strength in pain, eliza

[WILLIAM SCARLET O'HARA]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: transparent; width: 320px; padding: 20px 10px 10px 10px; border-bottom: dashed 1px 1d404a; border-left: dashed 1px 1d404a; border-top: dashed 1px 1d404a; border-right: dashed 1px 1d404a] Will blinked at the screen for a couple minutes reading and re-reading Eliza’s last words, he finally slammed the laptop shut and stood straight up allowing the homework he was grading fall to the floor. This couldn’t actually be happening right? Anger boiled up inside his chest or was it vomit? She wouldn’t do that to him though; she wouldn’t neglect to tell him he was going to be a father. Or would she? She thought he was going to be terrible at it, she’d said it point blank that night “you make a peachy father” he could hear her voice dripping with sarcasm in his head. Well she’d said they couldn’t talk online, so they were going to talk in person… tonight. Though he wasn’t sure he knew he wanted to hear what she had to say, he needed to hear it, to his face yes or no. He could figure the rest out later. He grabbed his grey blazer off the back of his chair and threw it over his shoulders allowing his arms to slip into their rightful place inside of it. He was still dressed in his suit from earlier that day sans tie. Marching to the door he stopped to slip his black converse back on and grabbed his keys. Halfway out of the door he realized he didn’t have his wallet and grabbed it before closing the door. He was too frazzled to be doing this, but he was going to if it was the last thing he did. He could easily forget something else like his license that could get him arrested, but this was going to be settled – tonight. He ran to his car and completely missed the neighbors that were happily waving at him while simultaneously wondering why he was running to his car like a mad man. And he was mad; he’d temporarily lost all control over his mind and actions. If things had gone differently he might be thinking clearly he may not be rushing over to her house to chew her head off. Normal Will would sit down and think about what this meant, but totally bonkers Will wanted to kill someone. Not that he had any real intention of killing her of course. He wasn’t that crazy or out of control. After five minutes of trying to find the lock of his car with his keys he finally managed to unlock it only to realize he’d never locked it in the first place. Stupid on so many levels, he let out a sound of frustration and yanked the door open, struggling to find the ignition in his frenzied state and well. When everything was working properly he finally managed to make it to her house and in seemingly one fluid motion he turned off his car, opened and locked his door while getting out of the car. He slammed the door shut as if it had just insulted his mother and as if he’d actually cared about his mother. Running to Eliza’s door he banged on it frantically with his hand “Eliza” he yelled through the door, there was no more sweet pet names right now, she told him she wanted him to quit anyway, right? No, Ej, no Buttons – Eliza. It felt strange even to him as it left his mouth, but he couldn’t worry about that right now. He’d wake her whole damn neighborhood if that's what it took. He was having a tantrum and quite honestly he knew that, he knew he was being a bit crazy running right over to her house. What did she expect though and by now she really probably was expecting him to come and wildly bang on her door. She’d seen his tantrums before and maybe that would make him a horrible father, but that was for him to decide not her, at least that’s how he felt. She had no right to keep that information from him. If he was going to be a father he needed to know about it whether he threw tantrums that rivaled two year olds or not. She didn’t know him as well as she thought, maybe it was true, maybe love had nothing to do with their relationship, but he knew he’d make a better more loving parent than either of his and he wanted that. He did, he wanted it to be true and at the same time he wanted her to open the door and say “just kidding, now make me tacos”, not because of the baby, but because of the lack of telling him about it. He felt like he was being lied to, omission was the same as a lie, right? the sweetness was gone from his face at he clenched his jaw tightly.

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[ELIZA JOY LIEBERMAN]

[atrb=border,0,true] [/style][STYLE=text-align:justify; border: 1px dashed #931c6d; width:300px; font-size:10px; padding:10px;] Crap. Eliza knew she had dug her own grave. She knew she was putting her foot in it when she mentioned coffee and soft cheese. And yet, she didn’t stop herself. In fact, she put her foot in it further by mentioning stomach bugs and doctors- especially with Ellis around. Who, by the way, was hopeless at being stealth. Neither was Eliza but that wasn’t the point. She needed to have someone to blame for all of this and right now in her head it was Ellis. With a shaky hand, Eliza closed her laptop. Crap crap crap. Will knew. All he needed was her confirmation and the truth would all be out. Maybe she should have just told him. Right then and there in the chat room. No, he deserved to hear it face to face. Or at least that was the excuse she was going with. Bottom line was- Eliza was doing what Eliza was good at. Running away. How far could she run this time though? William wasn’t likely to give up on this any time soon. Anyone in his position wouldn’t just give up on finding out the truth so she couldn’t really blame him for that. God. Why hadn’t he just left when she’d told him to? Why had he insisted on hanging around in that stupid chat room annoying her. If he’d left like she’d asked, none of this would be happening. She could blame him for that- for not leaving. If she wanted to be away from him so badly though, why hadn’t she left? She could have closed the window the minute he started to act like a child. Or better yet, the minute he’d signed in. She was weak though. She couldn’t bring herself to go once they were locked in what would have been called foreplay when they were dating. No one could ever make her both frustrated and giddy at the same time the way Will did. And God did she hate him for that. Hugging her arms around her middle, Eliza pulled her legs up under her on the couch and closed her eyes. Crap. That (and much less tame swear words) were all she seemed capable of thinking. She knew she’d have to tell him eventually, but in her mind it had come out a lot more delicately than this. How could she have been so careless to let the poor guy discover he might possibly be a father over the damned internet? Out of all the horrible things she had done in her life, Eliza was sure this was probably one of the worst. She really wouldn’t blame him if he were to march on over, beat her door down and start yelling at her. Oh shit. He was going to do that, wasn’t he? That was exactly the sort of thing impulsive Will would do, and Eliza was sure that by now, impulsive Will was well and truly in control. Leaving rational Will lying in a ditch somewhere. Squeezing her eyes closed tight, Eliza tried to compose herself. If this was going to happen, she needed her game face on. There was no way she was going to give Will the satisfaction of falling apart in front of him. She’d done that far too many times in the past and it always led to letting Will back in. She couldn’t afford to be weak this time. Taking a deep breath, she steadied herself for the banging on her door that she was sure would come at any moment. Time seemed to slow right down though, and Eliza felt like hours had passed while she sat there and waited. Waiting for Will was worse than waiting for the results of her pregnancy test. Her hands were starting to sweat, and her stomach was twisting itself into a million knots. She felt light headed, but she didn’t dare move. Eliza felt like live prey, just waiting to be attacked, knowing that one wrong move might end her life. Then it came. The knock echoed through her entire body and the sound of her name made Eliza recoil. Part of her wished he’d go back to calling her Buttons. Standing, she had a silent argument with her body. Demanding it pull itself together by the time she got to the front door and opened it. To give herself more time, she moved the short distance from the couch to the front door of her small home slower than necessary. He could wait anyway. The impatient sod. With a hand on the front door she let out a breath, pulled an annoyed expression to her lips, and opened her door. Her eyes met Will’s, and she wished they hadn’t. Crap. Why were his eyes always so intense? Struggling to look frustrated instead of scared, she stepped aside. “Oh God. Come inside and shut up before my neighbours call the police. Though, seeing you arrested would be amusing..”

[WILLIAM SCARLET O'HARA]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: transparent; width: 320px; padding: 20px 10px 10px 10px; border-bottom: dashed 1px 1d404a; border-left: dashed 1px 1d404a; border-top: dashed 1px 1d404a; border-right: dashed 1px 1d404a] “Eliza” he yelled as he was about to resume banging on her door, she opened it as he was lifting his hand. His green eyes glared at her almost wildly, they seemed to darken with his mood “shut up? No, no you have no right to tell me to shut up right now” he yelled angrily, his eyes were now wide, but still somehow threatening as he marched in to her house making it somehow appear as if he was barging on in without her permission, even though he had it. How dare she! Was all that was going through his head at the moment, he had no words so instead he kicked the quaint little Umbrella holder by her door “How dare you!” he yelled, they were the only words in his mind so he said them. Smacking the palm of his hand hard against the wall to help support him, he looked at her with as much anger and hatred at he could muster for her and then multiplied it by ten with his emotive features. She’d done it – blown all his hard work to control his temper tantrums, really his temper in general. All that was gone now, she didn’t have to fear him hurting her physically she never had to, but she could fear that his words may be more than she can bare. Shaking his head he looked at her with wild eyed malice “do you really hate me that much?” he said through his clenched jaw. What other explanation could there be really? She must have hated him something awful to keep his child from him. “you can’t do this Eliza, you can’t keep something like this from me” he was yelling so loud he was afraid that maybe Eliza would get her entertainment of him being arrested. However, that fear couldn’t keep him from doing so, he couldn’t lower his voice. He was angry, angrier than he’d ever been at her before. “Honestly, who do you think you are?” he furrowed his brow fiercely at her as he questioned her “when were you planning on telling me? Were you even?” The idea that she may have had no intention of ever telling him maddened him more he dropped his hand from the wall and turned away from her he didn’t want to look at her, if she started crying he wouldn’t be able to say what he needed to say, he couldn’t see her cute little button nose. “how long?” he said quietly “how long” he repeated in a booming voice as he turned to face her again. “how long have you known and kept this from me?” she couldn’t be too far along, unless she was one of those women that didn’t put on much weight during pregnancy. What if she was? What if she was already seven or eight month along! He couldn’t handle all of this, he could barely breath, it was as if all the oxygen was fuming from his body. He couldn’t think straight. “I don’t care if you think I’ll be a horrible father I have the right to know I am one, not only that but I have the right to be a father” he yelled horribly loudly and if her neighbors didn’t know then they most likely did now, but maybe her lying little button nose would get lucky. “you don’t know me, you don’t know what I am capable of, what I can go through! Because I haven’t told you anything, but I am stronger than I look Eliza” he was babbling now, he had no idea what he was saying he was just making noise and saying words, what did him being strong have to do with her not telling him, though he continued to speak without thinking away “you think I can’t handle whatever you have to throw at me, so help me I will walk through it like air, you haven’t seen what a bad father is, you can’t tell me I’d be a bad father” his brows began to rise “how dare you” he whispered faltering slightly in his anger and revealing his hurt more. He’d already said it, but he had to say it again. Only this time instead of anger and malice he looked as if someone had thrown his puppy out the car window again.

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[ELIZA JOY LIEBERMAN]

[atrb=border,0,true] [/style][STYLE=text-align:justify; border: 1px dashed #931c6d; width:300px; font-size:10px; padding:10px;] Eliza had heard his tempter before. Many times really. Somehow though.. This time felt different. Closing the door behind Will, Eliza took a deep breath. Attempting to steal herself against the verbal attack she knew was coming. She could have kicked him out. I mean, who let a guy willingly into their home knowing they were just going to yell. Thing was though, she knew she deserved at least some of what Will was going to dish her. She really had done the wrong thing by the guy and now she had to accept the consequences of that. If Will wanted to stand there for an hour and rant, venting his emotions before they discussed it like adults.. Well she’d let him. Or at least attempt to let him before her stubborn side kicked in and she decided she didn’t need to take anymore verbal abuse. Especially if he did what he always did and brought needless points into things. Eliza winced as he kicked her umbrella stand. Raising a hand and opening her mouth in order to ask him to stop breaking her things. However before she could say anything, he was yelling again. Closing her eyes, she lowered her hand and closed her eyes. How dare she indeed. The woman wasn’t at all sure how she was going to explain herself with this one. Honestly, in her heart she knew why she had done what she had done, but how the hell was she supposed to tell Will she had just been running scared like always. That finding out she was having his baby made her feelings for him all too real and she couldn’t handle that. God. If he didn’t already think she was unhinged, he was sure to think so if she dropped that bomb on him. What else was she supposed to say though? Will had always seen through her lies and she couldn’t imagine that changing now. Protectively, her arms moved to her stomach. Making smoothing strokes across the flesh. She wasn’t sure how advanced Jelly’s hearing was just yet, but she knew this couldn’t be good for the baby- hearing it’s father yell and scream. A large part of Eliza wanted to start yelling back. Defending herself and her actions, and point out that these sorts of anger outbursts weren’t exactly shining examples of what sort of father he was bound to be. What would he do the first time their kid lied to him or did something he didn’t like? Was he going to lose his cool and kick things? Not around her bloody kid. That was for sure. Eliza was set on offering only the best to her unborn baby.. and if William wasn’t the best.. well.. he’d either have to shape up or get out. She was not raising a child in a world of anger and yelling. No way in hell. Her face was hardening by the minute as his claims became more outrageous. She didn’t know anything about him? What the hell! She knew more about Will than anyone else in his life, or at least she thought so. If he honestly ‘hadn’t told her anything’, then that was a completely separate issue and it was a good thing she’d ended the relationship if it was based on such rocky foundations. The point in that moment was, she wasn’t the person he was making her out to be. Of course she planned on telling him. It was just about the timing.. And her fears of what might happen. There was no way though that she’d keep it from him forever. “Have you done?” She barked at him. Finally snapping under all the verbal abuse he had heaped on her. “As much as I love standing here and letting you abuse me, you might want to stop long enough to at least let me answer your questions!” Eliza stood, glaring at him for a moment. She needed to defuse the situation or it was going to blow up in smoke like many of their arguments. Sighing, she shook her head and stepped passed him. Making her way into the kitchen. Will would probably follow, but at that point she didn’t really care. Opening the cupboard, she got out two glasses. Filling one with diet coke and the other with some Scotch Ellis had left on the bench. Without even looking to see if Will had followed, Eliza slid it across the bench in the general direction of the archway between the entry passage and the kitchen. “Almost four months Will.” She spoke softly, attempting to keep her voice calm. Though she wasn’t sure how successful she was with that. “And I found out just before we broke up.” With that, she closed her eyes and downed her diet coke. Stealing herself for the abuse she knew would come with that revelation.

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[WILLIAM SCARLET O'HARA]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: transparent; width: 320px; padding: 20px 10px 10px 10px; border-bottom: dashed 1px 1d404a; border-left: dashed 1px 1d404a; border-top: dashed 1px 1d404a; border-right: dashed 1px 1d404a] “I haven’t started yet” he yelled in reply to her snapping question. Her next comment caused his eye brows to shoot up “abuse you?” he laughed, not the kind you’d want to hear though, an angry disgusted laugh. Shaking his head he rested his hands on his hips “you think this is abuse, telling you that you’ve gutted me is abuse” he felt like she was just simply laughing at him now and that word “abuse” made his blood boil, she was playing a victim “you think you’re so innocent, with what you’re doing right now, silently threatening me with not being able to see my kid, what would you call that” he spoke in a quiet tone seething with malice. If this were a cartoon he’d have steam coming out of his ears and would be turning a bright purple-y red. Raising his eye brow he spoke in a very slow calm tone that oozed with quiet anger “you threaten me once with that Eliza” it wasn’t a request it was a dare, he wanted to be part of his child’s life. He felt betrayed, the thought of Eliza keeping the baby from him felt like Effy all over again, driving away leaving him behind only this time she was taking his family with him. The chance of having a real family, driving off never to be seen again and he couldn’t chase anymore cars trying to get people to keep loving him. He wasn’t the type of guy who’d be happy having a kid running around not even knowing what hair color it had. He was getting scared and the more scared he got the angrier he got. He didn’t like other people having control over his life and that’s how he felt, he felt Ej had all the control over whether or not he became a father and instead of sucking up to her, he was yelling at her. He wouldn’t grovel, he wouldn’t beg. Dumb founded – he watched as she walked past him and turned his entire body to keep his eyes on her, was she walking away from him? Was she really doing that? Marching after her, he followed her to the kitchen and watched as she poured a diet coke and a scotch, was that for him? “you’re trying to pacify me now? I don’t even like scotch Eliza” Now he was just annoyed, maybe she thought he’d just drink it for the hell of having alcohol in his system. Though her next words caused him to down the entire glass in one go “elch! Four months?” he spoke still angry. She spent four months keeping this from him – he’d missed four months of doctor’s appointments, doctor’s appointments that Ellis got to go to. Appointment she made him keep from Will and even if he knew that and it was irrational to feel like Ellis was in on it all. It’s not even like they were really good friends in fact until that night he hadn’t known if he even liked him, but he worked with him, he was a colleague and for some reason it still seemed to hurt. He was looking at his empty glass trying to keep his eyes from watering. Funny how you don’t realize how important something is until it’s been taken away, she wouldn’t let him come to appointments with her, he just knew that. She thought he’d be a horrible, abusive father. She was speaking softly trying to keep him calm, which only annoyed him, he wasn’t a baby, even if he was acting like a child he wasn’t a she shouldn’t treat him like one. He hated that he could hate her so much and still want to hear her voice, but he didn’t not want to hear what that voice had to say. Her words shocked him and his head rose to look at her with nothing but sad shock in his eyes “what?” he said softly. Backing away from the counter a bit he covered his mouth as if he were trying not to say what was in his mind, but he couldn’t his curiosity was too much for him “is that why?” he was losing his edge, he was forgetting that he wanted her to have no doubt in her mind that he was angry and no clue that he was vulnerable and wounded “you didn’t think I’d be a good father, so you dumped me so I wouldn’t know” he wasn’t asking her, he believed he was simply making and observation. He looked away he didn’t want her to see the tears well up in his eyes. She’d been so sure of what kind of man he was that she didn’t even want him near her child – really? Will knew this time he wasn’t going to be able to push them back they were already rolling down his face. He needed to get out before she could see them. Heading toward the door he began to struggle not to run as he reached the door and wrenched it open.

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[ELIZA JOY LIEBERMAN]

[atrb=border,0,true] [/style][STYLE=text-align:justify; border: 1px dashed #931c6d; width:300px; font-size:10px; padding:10px;] Eliza wanted to be angry. She wanted to yell at him. Hit him. Throw something at him. Anything. She wanted to make him feel horrible, the same way he was making her feel horrible. Only she couldn’t. She knew she deserved the things he was saying to her. While, no, they weren’t exactly true and he didn’t exactly know her reasoning behind what she had done, she still deserved to be yelled at like this. It didn’t matter what her reasoning was, she had treated Will like shit, and he had every right to be angry. He should have been the first to know she was pregnant. Hell he should have known the minute she was late that there was a chance she might have been. Keeping it from him was wrong, and Eliza knew that. She had to keep reminding herself of that, or she was going to slap his face for what he was saying. Though, it wasn’t exactly what he was saying so much as what he was implying. She was not threatening him with anything. Nor would she ever threaten him with anything like that. Was that what he really thought of her? A heartless bitch that would use a baby as a way of dictating to the father how he’s supposed to act or he won’t see his child? There was no way in hell she was putting a price on her child’s head. Will deserved to be in the child’s life and she knew that. Despite keeping it from him might suggest, Eliza had no intention of keeping the child from his once it was born. And it pissed her off that he’d think that. Okay, so maybe he might have had a reason, since he was only just finding out four months into the pregnancy, but God.. She deserved more credit than that, didn’t she? She was expecting more yelling. Insults and abuse. She had readied herself for it. She hadn’t expected the reaction he gave though. Her eyes snapped open, and her hands started to shake a little. Is that why? You didn’t think I’d be a good father, so you dumped me so I wouldn’t know. His words pelted through her, each one a stab of realization. She’d been so focused on her own fears and her own part in this situation that she hadn’t really stopped to consider how it would make William feel; beyond the basic anger she knew would come. Now though, it was all too real too her. And it broke her heart. Quite literally. Her chest was aching. It felt as though her heart was made of glass, and someone had dropped it from a two story window. William had dropped it, and now as revenge the shards of broken glass were tearing at her insides. Trying to break the rest of her too. She was the worst kind of person. Turning, slowly, she knew she had to face him. Only he wasn’t there. He was running from her. Her mouth was dry now, and panic started to spread through her. She couldn’t let him leave thinking that. “William!” She shouted, hoarse. Just calling him wasn’t going to cut it though. “Stop!” She begged as she tore after him. He was opening the door now, and she wasn’t about to let him just walk out. Reaching out she grabbed his wrist with as much force as she possessed. Pulling him backwards, away from the door. “Would you just stop! This isn’t about the sort of father you’ll be okay? It’s about me. Surprise Surprise. I know, I’m a selfish bitch right? But you knew that when you got involved with me. Can you just not leave please?”

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[WILLIAM SCARLET O'HARA]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: transparent; width: 320px; padding: 20px 10px 10px 10px; border-bottom: dashed 1px 1d404a; border-left: dashed 1px 1d404a; border-top: dashed 1px 1d404a; border-right: dashed 1px 1d404a] He felt like a baby getting so upset. Will rarely cried – he rarely had to fight back tears even. Right now though, it was as if there was a wave building behind his eyes waiting to break. The reason she’d upset him so much was fairly simple to understand. He believed what he thought she believed. It was possible there was something inside of him that would make him a bad father – a fury that his child could unlock. A fury worse than his temper – a fury that would cause him to hurt someone he loved? It was possible he was like his own father wasn’t it? Maybe he should stay away. Could you inherit abusiveness? No, that was a ridiculous thought… right? The more he thought about it the more he understood why Ej would keep it from him and the more the wave came closer to breaking the dam holding it back. Cracks formed and tears leaked unwillingly from his eyes, his hand was on the doorknob, moments from solace. She had to grab him didn’t she? She had to stop him the one time he didn’t want to be stopped. The one time he wouldn’t give anything to have her arms around him. As she grabbed his wrist his hand balled up in a fist as his body tensed. He was breathing hard through his nose, seething and wounded. He knew if her let a breath escape his lips it would shutter – revealingly weak. Snatching his hand away he put both hand to his eyes as one would when they had a blinding headache and wiped the tears from his face trying to hide them before he turned to face her. Will thought he’d dealt with all of this after their breakup, he thought he dealt with another woman refusing to love him like he loved her, but he felt it all over again. Chasing cars – is that how he would spend his life? Begging people to come back and love him. He didn’t want her to touch him; he was angry with her and didn’t want to her to know his edge had softened. Instead he turned to her with the glaring eyes of a man who didn’t have any love in him. Even if that weren’t true for him, he’d honed the expression and wore it well. Though, as she spoke his face faded into softer expression, like a little boy finding out his hero was flawed. “It’s not though” his voice was hard and definitive still, but quiet and calm “You would have every right to think that, it’s probably true” he said with a shrug of his shoulders as he avoided her eyes “I probably would be horrible at it”. Will was defeated, he couldn’t tell himself he’d be better than his own father, he didn’t know “I don’t care why you kept it from me, I don’t want to hear why” he said losing his voice a bit at he spoke. The stress of the situation and abuse of his vocal cords had caused his voice to betray him. He felt he already knew all the reasons someone wouldn’t want to be with him. He didn’t have much patience with things he couldn’t wrap his head around. His fuse was as short as a thumb tack, he’d go from zero to blazing mad in five seconds flat. Most where pretty sure he was insane… hell, he thought he could very well be insane. If it weren’t for his irrational fear of doctors he’d have checked himself into a mental ward years ago. To top it all off he wasn’t attractive either. There were plenty of reasons not to love him and not many which would say otherwise in his eyes. What if Eliza had a boy? He didn’t know how to play catch. Or what if it were a girl? What would he be able to give her? It wasn’t as if he made up for his utter lack of sports talent with knowledge of fashion or Barbie dolls. Teach them their times tables, that be about all he’d be useful for. Gosh, this was pathetic, he was standing trying to think of something he could do for his own child and was coming up fairly blank. “I shouldn’t have come here” he said quietly and continued as he shook his head “I don’t know what I was thinking”. Scoffing her shrugged “never mind, I wasn’t thinking” he shrugged “I don’t want to stay” he said finally. He felt weak and defeated, most of all he felt embarrassed. Eliza reminded him that he wasn’t much of a man, she always managed to, not intentionally or directly, but she reminded him that everything he thought a man was, was not who he was. Will knew he was still the little boy fighting air for the sake of trying to feel in control of his life.

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[ELIZA JOY LIEBERMAN]

[atrb=border,0,true] [/style][STYLE=text-align:justify; border: 1px dashed #931c6d; width:300px; font-size:10px; padding:10px;] Her eyes stung as she watched the broken man in front of her. This was her fault. She had done this to him. Her actions had broken him, and Eliza had never felt like a worse person. She was right when she had told him that she was selfish. She’d only been thinking of herself when she chose not to tell him. Not once had she considered how he’d feel when he found out, or the damage she was doing. She was a bitch, and Will was much better off without her. That was one thing she knew for sure. Will deserved someone less crazy, less self centred, less emotional.. just.. Less Eliza. Now that she had cut him free, he’d have a chance to go and find that person. Instead of being locked in the emotional back and forth they had been locked in for years. They just needed to learn how to get along for the sake of the baby. Tightening her grip on his wrist, Eliza shook her head. “William, you need to stop and listen.” She spoke calmly, but sternly. Her tone a little like the one she used with miss-behaving children in her class. She needed him to just calm down. Sure, she had messed up and had hurt him, but if he stopped enough to listen to her reasoning (at least the reason she was prepared to admit), he’d see that it wasn’t about him being a bad father. She wanted him in Jelly’s life. Now that he knew and the fear of it all was passing, Eliza knew that Will would have to be a permanent feature. How could she look at him, so broken, and even consider shutting him out of his child’s life? That was beyond cruel, and Eliza wouldn’t do that. She couldn’t do that. He just needed to stop and calm down se they could talk about it. Still gripping his hand, she stepped even closer to the man. Carefully bringing it to her stomach. Pressing his palm into her clothed skin. Her eyes still on his features. Wordlessly, she let his hand sit there for a moment. From the moment she had found out she was pregnant, Eliza could feel the presence. She could feel her little baby inside her. Maybe it was all in her mind, she wasn’t sure. There was a life growing inside her though, and it was impossible for Eliza not to connect with that. She wanted William to connect with it though. She wanted him to bond with Jelly like she had. She wanted him to see that it went beyond the two of them now. That everything had shifted and now the centre of their world just had to be the baby. Their relationship had dissolved, but they needed to rebuilt a new one for the sake of their child. “Do you feel that?” She asked gently. Tears were stinging in her eyes now, but she didn’t care. “That’s your baby, William. And it needs you.. It needs it’s daddy.” Bringing her free hand up, Eliza stroked his cheek gently with the back of her hand. The way she used to do to comfort him. Maybe it was a far too intimate gesture, but Eliza couldn’t help herself. She wanted to make up, at least a little, the pain she had caused him. “Please, Will. I messed up, but you can’t just shut down, not on your child. Write me off, fine.. but I won’t let you walk away from your baby. I know I might have made it seem otherwise, but I know you will be an amazing father.”

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[WILLIAM SCARLET O'HARA]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: transparent; width: 320px; padding: 20px 10px 10px 10px; border-bottom: dashed 1px 1d404a; border-left: dashed 1px 1d404a; border-top: dashed 1px 1d404a; border-right: dashed 1px 1d404a] With as much as Will was trying to hide his hurt in this whole situation, he was apparently not being too successful in doing so. For years this had been a question brewing in the back of his mind, with every temper tantrum he wondered if he was more like his father than he originally thought and with each harsh word he wondered the same about his mother. He was nothing like his parents of course, he had a temper – a temper that had been created and fueled by them and them alone. Other than that he was more than kind, more than gentle and most of all he had an innate compassion and love for all living things. These were traits that neither of his parents had in their arsenal. Nor were any of Will’s pleasant traits instilled or nurtured by them. In all honesty Will had come out a good man against the odds. He wasn’t a violent man; he rarely drank let alone got drunk. There was however a quiet rage inside of him that he had harbored for his parents, it’d started as a small spark as a child and through the years he’d fanned it in to wicked roaring fire, yearning to burn up every part of Will’s life his parents had touched, including his very own beating heart. Because he could not deny that he possessed fifty percent of both their chromosomes. He was their son and that simply couldn’t go un-scorched. Will knew that the fire would probably someday engulf him, burn whatever was left of him into a small meaningless pile of ash. Suddenly things had changed though. Math and showing it’s grace and power to others was no longer the only reason to keep breathing. Will would become a father in a matter of months and he knew he needed to be there. Furthermore he needed to be the father he never had, since for the past many years he decided he himself never had a father by any means other than Biology. As he brushed his hand through his hair he began to come to the conclusion that, this could be the time that he’d be forced to face his biggest fear – therapy. He couldn’t bear the thought of it, therapy was for crazy people and it was a soft science to boot. Maybe he was crazy though, maybe he’d been through something more traumatic than he’d ever allowed himself to admit. Eliza would give him an out, he knew that. That was simply what she did, try to fix other people’s problems for them, besides it would give her a way out as well. Will didn’t want an out though, instead he wanted assurance. Assurance that he could do it; he could be a good dad and if he needed a therapist to keep from turning into his own father then so be it, he’d do it for those sticky disgusting kisses that made his stomach turn to watch, for that moment of the his child’s first steps, for the first time it would call him dada. To see it turn into the woman or man that would make him believe in beauty again. He’d face his fear of therapists, furthermore his fear of facing his demons. He nodded and became annoyed with her word and pulled his hand away fashioning his voice into a stern tone “I’m not the one who doesn’t want to be there, I want to leave now because I don’t want to see you right now, I’m not walking away forever and I’m sure as fucking shit not walking away from that baby” he said with very little audible emotion, it was times like this when he sounded the most menacing. Will was becoming more and more irritated with her attitude toward him, she had four months to come to terms with everything and now, just because he was walking away from her and doubting his ability to be a good father she was preaching about how his child needed him as if he were running out on it like a prink. He spoke with the scoff his tone building in obvious irritation and anger “For fuck’s sakes Eliza what the fuck kind of person do you think I am? I’m not going to leave my kid, no matter what I’m afraid of” he clenched his jaw and pulled away from Ej’s hand, releasing his jaw only to say “I don’t run from everything that scares me” Biting words, he was sure of it and with them his mother came to mind.

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