these waves crashing over my head -- brad

[ruby]

Ruby didn’t mind the weather. In fact, the stormy skies that had been hanging around all week seemed like a perfect metaphor for how she was feeling. Just as a storm was gathering outside, there was a storm gathering in her head, and her heart. She didn’t want to regret what had happened with Bradley. She didn’t want to admit that it had been the wrong thing to do, that it was a mistake. Most of all, she didn’t want to admit that Bradley was right, that he wasn’t a good person, that he was just going to hurt her. She didn’t want to admit that everyone had been right about Bradley. He wasn’t giving her much of a choice though, was he? The hope that she was clinging to was quickly slipping from her grasp with every day that went by that she didn’t hear from him, and every call that he ignored. Luca had said to give him time, but Ruby knew that if she gave him time, he’d just keep running. She wasn’t sure what else to do though. A part from just showing up at his house and demanding he spoke to her. Then, that had never really been Ruby’s style.

The blonde didn’t get it though. What was he so scared of? If it had been a mistake for him, if he had no feelings for her, then why didn’t he just say so? She couldn’t promise that it wouldn’t be crushed at first. But the sooner she knew the truth, the sooner she could start to deal and move on. The sooner they can get their friendship back. Ruby wasn’t so fragile that she’d hate him forever for not sharing her feelings. If he kept avoiding her though, well she wasn’t sure it was something she could forgive. He must have known how much she needed to talk about what had happened, or hell even just talk to him. And yet there he was, acting like she didn’t even exist. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t like it was his virginity. Why should she be surprised though? Bradley’s track record was lousy, she knew that. She just.. She’d been naive in thinking it would be different this time, that something between them had changed, and that he’d stop running. That they’d finally sort out what they really meant to each other. It was becoming clear though, that it was too much to ask of Bradley.

While she had heard the storm warning, Ruby hadn’t really taken it all that seriously. Or well, she had. She just thought that she could spend a few hours using the School’s dark room, without any other interruptions and still get home before the storm hit. While film photography was a dying medium so to speak, Ruby found the process of developing prints a rather calming one. Which was something she really needed. Though, when she had taken out the full roll on her old film camera, she hadn’t exactly realized who was in most of the images. She and Bradley had gone for a drive one afternoon a few months back, and she’d spent most of the time snapping images of him, because she’d just brought the film camera and was excited to try it out. However school had gotten busy, and the role was left undeveloped until now. Each time she watched a new image take shape under the developing solution, Ruby felt a pang in her chest, as she saw Brad’s face staring back at her. With expressions ranging from annoyed, to laughing. It wasn’t exactly the calming experience she had been hoping for.

Once the final picture had been hung up, Ruby decided it was probably time to leave. Biting her bottom lip, she looked over all her prints again. Feeling her chest start to tighten. Yeah, she really needed to leave. Looking at his face for much longer would not be a smart idea. Her grip on reality was already slipping. Leaving the dark room, Ruby made her way slowly down the deserted halls of the high-school. It looked so different now. In her four years, she wasn’t sure she had ever seen it so empty. If she wasn’t in such in such a melancholy mood, she may have found it intriguing. However she just found it lonely, and a little sad. Taking her time, she made her way towards the nearest exit. Only, she was a little surprised with what she saw. The storm had hit. How had she not heard it? God, I guess she really had been so lost in her own mind. Biting her lip, she watched the sky through the glass. It was really bad out there. There was no way she could risk driving home now. Closing her eyes, the blonde let out a low sigh. “Shit..”

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[alex]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,355,true] It’s been a while since the incident that happened between him and Ruby; since he run from the possibility of having something real with someone. Most people would talk to their mom or dad about this situation, but his father was gone and honestly he wouldn’t take advice from him anyway and his mother would likely just tone him out or give him a lecture about respecting women. More likely most would just talk to their friends; however all Brad’s friends were a lot like him, anti-commitment. Ruby had been his only friend that actually encouraged him to try and think outside his little player box. He’d always been all for being rigid with very little room to wiggle in. Changing a part of his life or thought that he was adamant about always felt like he was compromising who he was. Stubborn was a good word for him, coward was another. No one would guess that he was just a little boy afraid of the world, he’d jump off cliffs, drive his car too fast, sleep around without a care. All his life he’d been reckless with his life and suddenly he was wondering if he was starting to understand why. Maybe he didn’t want to live alone for the rest of his life, but he found it so hard to be happy that he just didn’t want to have to worry about it. If he couldn’t be happy he couldn’t be happy with anyone right? That scared him, he didn’t want to find out that after a couple of weeks he’d find that Ruby was just like every other girl he’d tried to be with; just completely irritating to him. He didn’t want that to happen, he rather regret running away wondering if they could have worked. It was easier that way, it was always easier to beat yourself up for being an ass and that you’ll never change than to watch something you really wanted to work fall apart. In the end Bradley always took the easy way out and at some point Ruby would realize that too. That he’d made the decision that hurts both of them the least, even if she hated his right now, she’d understand later. The only thing was that her hated that he had to give her friends and family the opportunity to say I told you so. That day he knew he should have just walked away before anything happened, but he didn’t and now he’d taken something that he never deserved to begin with and he threw it back in her face like he didn’t even care. Caring was what got him into this mess, what got both of them here, she cared too much about him and he cared too much about her. People wondered why Brad didn’t want to care about anything, if you didn’t care about anything you couldn’t lose anything. He’d cared and now he’d lost, granted he lost it on purpose, but never the less he was proven right. Ever since that day he’d felt like dirt, even more than usual anyway. More and more he was feeling the need to look at himself a little more closely, he began trying to think of the last time he was actually happy. Realizing more and more that he didn’t remember ever being happy, the closest he felt was when he was with Ruby and not even just that one time, just she seemed to bring the best of his mood to the surface, but what bothered him even more was he wasn’t as happy as he should be, more like satisfied but not happy. With a deep breath he approached the doors of the school he was there to clean out his locker, he needed to switch schools he needed to be out of her life so she didn’t have to see him, so that she could get over him. The weather had looked gloomy that last couple of days, but the boy was from England he wasn’t worried about a little rain, he was used to it missed it even. No one would be there, who went to school when they didn’t have to? Well maybe the nerds would be playing Dungeons and Dragons or playing math games in the library, but Brad was pretty sure Ruby wasn’t in with the Mathlete’s or any of the nerds for that matter, except maybe the Art nerds, but they weren’t the hang out at school type. Anyway right now, today was the safest day to do it, everyone was probably cowering in their homes anyway due to the weather warning. Making his way to his locker he unlocked it and started to pull things out wondering what he was going to do with all of it anyway. May as well just throw it all away; after all what was the point of having a whole bunch of crap? After wandering around for a trash can he saw something he really didn’t expect; Ruby standing by the door. Looking around he decided the best thing to do was to hide, he turned to walk away hoping the storm outside would keep her attention long enough for him to make a clean get away.

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[ruby]

Still watching the sky, Ruby tried to work out where the best place to go would be. It needed to be somewhere safe, but also comfortable. The blonde wasn’t sure how long the storm would last, and she didn’t want to spend several hours sitting in the bathroom. Biting her lip, she ran though the options. Her best bet was probably the library. It was comfortable, had plenty to do, and there was a room in towards the middle for group meetings that had no windows if things got particularly nasty outside. She may as well make the most of her time stuck at school and start on some homework. They’d just started studying a new book in English, and Ruby supposed she should get that from her locker and start reading that. At least now she’d have no distractions from outside sources. Of course, internal distractions from her own mind was a different story all together. What she needed to do was just put Bradley out of her mind, but that was easier to tell herself to do than it was to actually go through with it. He seemed to always be somewhere in her mind. It was a fact she used to like, getting lost in thoughts of him. Now though, it was something she hated.

Turning around, with the intention of retrieving some things from her locker before heading off to the library, Ruby hadn’t expected to see anyone. So, seeing the figure of a person trying to dart away had jarred her. Frowning, it took a moment of for the shock to wear off before Ruby realized who it was. And in that moment she wished she hadn’t realized. Her heart rose into her throat, and then dropped to her stomach, shattering. He was running away from her. Not just metaphorically. He was actually running away from her. Ruby stared for a moment, unable to believe what she was seeing. The coward was running away from her. He didn’t have the guts to face what had happened with them. To face what he’d done. Anger, hurt, surprise- she couldn’t pick which emotion was stronger as they all surged through her. Causing her mouth to go dry, and her hands to shake. Tears stung the backs of her eyes, making Ruby angry at not only Bradley, but herself. For letting him have such an affect on her. She hated the control her had on her heart strings- the fact that one slight tug from him could render her a complete mess, and yet Bradley didn’t seem at all affected by it.

She let him do this to her though. Ruby made excuses for him. Allowed him to get away with everything. She just let him walk all over her, and she shouldn’t. She wasn’t going to. Not anymore. Mustering all the gumption she had, Ruby cleared her throat before calling after him. “How dare you.” Her voice was shaking, but there was nothing she could do about that. Ruby was beyond controlling her emotions at this point. “How dare you.” She repeated herself, taking a few quick steps towards him. There was no way she was going to let him run from her. He was going to face this, even if it was the last time they ever spoke, she was going to let him know just how much he had screwed up, and he was not going to run away. He owed her that much. “I trusted you!” She reminded him, her voice breaking as she did. “And you messed up.” Words weren’t something she spoke a lot of, but they seemed to be tumbling from her now. “You’re so completely set on proving everyone else right about you, it doesn’t matter that you’ve hurt me in the process does it? The one person who has always believed in you, and you treated me like nothing.”

Tears now falling from her eyes, Ruby sniffed angrily. She hated that she was crying, but she knew trying to stop herself so she just let them fall. However, if she was going to cry, he was going to see it, and he was going to feel it. Taking a few more steps towards him, she reached out and took his elbow, grabbing him and pulling him around to face her as violently as a girl like Ruby could. Which wasn’t a great deal, but it was enough to be different from the gentle way she usually touched him. “At least have the guts to look at me!” Anger seemed to have won at the moment inside Ruby. There was a really strong urge inside the blonde to hit Bradley. She kept it in though, for the moment, eyes glaring at him, slicing through him with intensity. Her breathing coming out short and quick. Entire body shaking. “You messed up everything, and you don’t even care. I was just another girl, wasn’t I?” Her voice was soft, but her tone as cold as ice. The anger she was feeling injected into every single word as she continued to struggle with her need to cause him physical pain. It was too much, she couldn’t take it anymore. Rising a hand, she slapped him hard across the face. “I hate you!” She spat out, before turning from him and letting out a hollow sob. She had no idea she could be this angry at someone, that she could hurt this much.

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[alex]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,355,true] It was a lapse in judgment to think he could actually get away from her without her seeing him, but he’d thought at the time that he at least needed to try. After all he was sure he’d already caused enough pain to Ruby, she shouldn’t have to see him; hence why he was here to clean out his locker so he could switch schools. Suddenly he heard an angry voice yell after him, he stopped and tugged at his red tee shirt, he felt dumb that it had a “The Flash” logo on it, it seemed out of place in such an awkward situation. He wasn’t going to say anything back to her, at this point he wasn’t sure what he was daring to do that was so upsetting. Did she mean how dare you steal my virginity and run off like a prickish twat? Or was she just upset that he was daring to be there in front of her? Or could it be that he was going to just walk away? Okay maybe it was more of a quick walk, but a quiet quick walk. It’s not like he was running down the hall like a track star or anything. Maybe that would have been the better choice, run. All his years playing soccer had made him a very fast runner, but that probably would have attracted her attention sooner, wouldn’t it? She was yelling at him rightly so, he knew he’d screwed up, but she had the wrong idea about how and why he screwed up. It seemed that she thought the screwing up was running away, but the way he saw it that was the only thing he did right in that situation. How many times did he need to tell this girl that he’s not good for her until she realizes that him running off all the time means he cares, he’s protecting her. Why didn’t she ever get that? In fact it was really starting to piss him off, every time he was an ass she forgave him and acted like nothing happened, now when he was trying to be good she hated him. Yes he understood, that wasn’t the problem, he did what he always did he fucked everything up royally, but really he warned her, he warned her so many times and she refused to believe him. Now everything was screwed up, she had to know how he felt about her, how could she not? Of course this was all his fault, nothing is ever Ruby’s fault. All he could do as she yelled at him was shake his head. He heard her footsteps approaching him, but he still kept his back to her, he didn’t want to see her just as much as he didn’t was her to see him. However Ruby had other plans and decided to pull him to face her, he pulled away roughly glaring at her, would it help if he cried? If he cried like her would everyone think he was the victim? His mother used to always say whoever cried the loudest got the sympathy; in this case it was true. Truth is Bradley knew he wasn’t the victim, but he was tired of being the villain too. As she asked him if she was just another girl his face contorted in disgust “don’t be a twat Rubes” the thought didn’t occurred to him that he might not want to use that kind of language with her. Talking to your guy friends was different than talking to well Ruby. She wasn’t gonna take it the way he meant it, he meant that she was being absurd, but likely she’d take it as, I hate you, you’re such a girl course he’d already said it. Nothing could prepare him for what came next; searing pain on the side of his face, she’d slapped him, she actually slapped him “fuck Ruby!” he yelled loudly touching his cheek with his palm for a moment before he let it fall to his side again “what the fuck is wrong with you?” he laughed angrily “did I not tell you this would happen? Did I not tell you that we are a bad idea!” he was yelling, angry more than angry he actually felt like he was on fire, she was blaming him for everything and maybe he should be, but right now he was sick and tired of being the only one in the wrong “I told you this wouldn’t work, I wanted to walk away, but you just kept pushing and pushing and pushing what did you expect?” his anger hadn’t subsided, if anything it was building with every word. He could have apologized, but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to; he couldn’t tell her how he felt, he couldn’t tell her that she wasn’t the only one he hurt. “yeah well I hate me too, but I hate you more” it wasn’t completely true, but he did hate her for making him care about her, he hated that she was so perfect, but he didn’t hate her more than himself, he didn’t hate anyone more than himself. He let out a hard sigh, he was trying to calm down, trying to keep his anger in check, if she were a guy he’d have kicked her ass by now. “whatever I just need to get out of here” he started toward the front door, he could probably make it to his car before he got struck by lightning or something right?

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[ruby]

His words hurt. Sliced through her, piercing her heart. Winding her. However she couldn’t deny them. He was right. She had been told countless times by him, and everyone else, that he was no good for her. That she was wasting her time. That it would all end in pain. And yet she couldn’t stop herself. She just kept telling him he was a good person. Telling herself that everyone else was wrong. Ruby had seen something good in Bradley though. For whatever reason she’d found something in him that was special. She’d fallen in love with him. There was nothing she could do about that. Feelings just don’t go away, as much as you’d like to think you could will them to. She was stuck with them, and the more she felt she got closer to him, the more she felt for him. Ruby was starting to think though, that she had been wrong about all of it, that she didn’t know him at all. The Bradley that she had thought he was would never do anything like this. He’d never hurt her the way he was now. Right now, she felt like she didn’t know him at all.

He was wrong about one thing though. She hadn’t pushed him. Not that night. Sure, she had given herself willingly, but he hadn’t put up anything even resembling a struggle. He took what he was she was offering seemingly without a second thought. She wasn’t to know what had been going on inside him. She wasn’t to know that he wanted to run away from it- from the possibility of them. All she had done was kiss him. Hell she’d even given him the option of refusing her if he wanted and he’d accepted. It wasn’t fair that he was now turning around saying it was her fault, that he hadn’t wanted it. Tears stinging in her eyes she shook her head. She could argue, but she wasn’t sure she could find the words to express her indignation at what he was suggesting. No one had made him take her virginity then run off and break her heart. He’d done that off his own back. If he knew that was what was going to happen, he should have said no- because she sure as hell didn’t know how messed up it was going to get. She had feared it, but she chose to believe otherwise.

He hated her. Right. Well that was that then. Somehow she was the succubus that had seduced him and was now trying to suck out his soul. Yeah, sure. If that was what he wanted to think. What was she supposed to say to that? She knew she had started it by saying she hated him. And it probably wasn’t fair for her to feel so completely bitter and angry at his words, but control over her feelings was something she’d given up around the time she’d slapped him. Turning from him slightly, she nodded. “Right,” was all she could say, while trying to keep her tears at bay. “I’m sorry I ever believed in you, or tried to get you to believe in yourself. I’m sorry I was completely wrong about you..” She could feel a dull ache start in her chest as she spoke. Even now, after everything he’d done, everything he was saying right now. After every tear she had shed, she could hardly believe it. She still so desperately wanted to believe that he was something special. The hope she’d once held so firmly though had slipped clear out of her reach, and she didn’t know how to find it again.

Then there it was. The hope, or at least, the feelings for him. Just like that, something changed and she was turning to face him again. Her features softening ever so slightly. She was still angry, yes, but she didn’t want him dead. Reaching out again, she took hold of his wrist. “Don’t be an idiot.” She glared at his back. Keeping hold so he couldn’t keep walking. “You can’t leave, There’s tropical hurricane warnings all up the New England coast. I know you think you are invincible but don’t think I’m going to just let you walk out there into that..” While her tone had started off much like a lecture, towards the end it drowned out a little, her concern for his safety giving her away, that her hatred for him was only so deep. Whatever though, he hated her and she only wanted to hate him. She didn’t care right now about that. She cared about him potentially dying in a storm because he was too much of a dickhead to realize that this time he actually couldn’t run away from her. At least, not outside the confines of the school building. “Go wherever you want, just, not outside.” She let go of his wrist slowly, taking a step back. “Look, I’ll even go..”

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[alex]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,355,true] Bradley could not believe Ruby, she was angry with him that was no mystery nor was the reason why, but now she was all back into caring about him. Make up your mind was all that he could think at the moment, she was too bipolar with them “are you mad at me or do care, make up your mind” he spat pulling his wrist away from her, he didn’t want her to touch him, he needed her not to touch him. If she did he’d want to start being nice to her again, just seeing her at the brink of tears made him want to shoot himself in the face. Ruby held too much power over him and he didn’t like that. Always being independent got lonely, but he knew he could count on himself, he knew he could take cared of whatever was thrown at him, but Ruby made him feel weak, like maybe he couldn’t do it on his own. Glaring at her he remembered how beautiful she was, he was able to put it out of his mind when he didn’t have to see her, when she wasn’t standing before him; hating him. At least she didn’t forgive him. “jeez Rube has it ever occurred to you that not everyone believes that life is some big gift like you” He never claimed he was invincible; he didn’t want to be here, with her; at all even. The fact that he was standing here breathing was in its self… disappointing. “I don’t think I’m a god Ruby, bloody fucking hell” he breathed his words as if they weren’t actually intended for her, in all actuality they weren’t he didn’t care if she heard what he said it just felt like it needed to be said. Shaking his head as she offered to leave, “don’t do that” his voice was cold and ungrateful, but really he didn’t want her to just leave him. Guess he didn’t like the feeling of being walked out on either. “don’t be all Ruby” a mocking tone escaped past his teeth “you’re always the self-sacrificing martyr” nothing was gonna stop him from digging his hole deeper was it? Brad just really wanted her to hate him as much as he hated himself and it seemed at the beginning he was succeeding, but then she had to go and care again. No one else would care, everyone, anyone would let him walk out those doors and kill himself. Ruby would never learn; she’d always hold that little glimmer of hope for him, that hope that he couldn’t muster for himself. Believing in him for him was Ruby’s full time job it seemed, he knew it was no easy task, but he’d never asked her to do it in the first place. Everything that he’d done he could make her fault in some way he had a knack for it, but when it came down to it he always knew he could just as easily have done something different, in this particular situation he knew he was wrong. At the same time he felt like he couldn’t have done anything else, well he could have, but he didn’t feel like he had any say, his hormones were stronger than he was. That wasn’t completely true either, but damn it she’d confused him; she always clouded his brain, filling his head with fairytales… and he let her. As much effort as he put into blaming her he always found a way back to himself. It was that way with every situation, in every case with everyone, but Ruby was the only one he ever felt bad about. If taking care of him was Ruby’s full time job, hating himself for hurting her was his; tearing down all her hard work, abolishing their friend ship all were part of the description. Stepping in front of the small blonde he faced her and with a sigh spoke “The library’s probably the safest place” the same thought that’d run through Ruby’s head, the conference room. He looked away, walking to the lockers “you should probably go there” It’s not that he assumed she hadn’t thought about it because she was too stupid to think ‘ah no windows, let’s use common sense’ he just was thinking out loud to be honest. Leaning against the cool metal panels, he took a breath. This was too awkward, too hard for him and yes he imagined it was worse for her, she’d actually lost something, to him. Bad judgment didn’t make her a bad person, her bad judgment just proved that she wanted there to be good in people, he just had to go and prove her wrong, teach her a lesson not everyone is to be trusted or in his mantra no one can be trusted, in some ways he knew he was wrong; Ruby could be trusted and he loved her and hated her for that all at once.

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[ruby]

Ruby bit the inside of her lip. A fresh wave of angry tears stinging her eyes. He thought she assumed life was a gift? He really didn’t know her at all. She’d always suspected that was the case. Ruby felt like she knew as much as she could possibly know about Bradley. She could remember just about everything he’d ever admitted to her with a clarity that shocked even herself. More than that though, Ruby watched him, extracting details and clues from his behaviour. She’d pieced together as much of the puzzle that was her best friend as possible and often went out of her way to do little things to make him smile. That wasn’t returned though. Bradley had never really brought her over some iced tea just because he knew she liked it, or put her favourite show on TV- not the show that she told everyone was her favourite but her guilty pleasure favourite. She often wondered if he even knew those details about her, and if he didn’t, it was her fault. She made so much of their relationship about him, putting herself aside in order to make sure Bradley had everything he wanted and needed. He was right, she was a martyr.

He knew that much about her, but that was where it ended, she felt. He had no idea the way she viewed life at all. Squeezing her eyes closed, the blonde shook her head, letting out a low bitter laugh. “Oh yeah. Life is so much of a gift it gave my little sister cancer and I’ve had to grow up and look after my brother because no one else has the time.” She opened her eyes to look up at him, fighting back her tears. She really hated that she was so emotional in front of him. She needed to just get away and break down in private. There was a lot going on in her family right now and her first instinct had been to turn to Bradley. Not even to talk about it, just to feel his soothing presence, and know things wouldn’t be so bad because she had him in her life. She couldn’t do that though, and being in his presence now was nothing but soothing. It hurt. At the same time though, she wasn’t sure she had it in her to walk away. At least fighting with him was something. She felt pathetic for feeling that way- that she’d take whatever she could get from the young man standing before her.

Looking down, she shrugged. “I’m a martyr.” She conceded softly. “But I just don’t have a choice. I have to look after my family.” She honestly felt that way- that she couldn’t fall apart because her family would soon follow. Everything holding them together was frail and could break at any moment and someone had to pick up the pieces. Milly’s having tests, part of her wanted to say. She’s been tired lately, and bruised, so they are running tests. However she kept her mouth shut. She didn’t need his sympathy, she told herself. She didn’t want his comfort. Shaking her head to clear her mind, she attempted a casual shrug. “I get it, stuff has changed between us and it can’t go back to how it was. No amount of Mario Kart will fix it. I just..” She paused, biting her lip. “I just wish I wasn’t loosing my best friend.” Offering him a weak smile, she shrugged again. “I know it’s probably not the same for you, and that’s okay. I just... “ She shrugged. Not sure what else she could possibly say. Words failed her, to be honest.

Nodding, she hugged her chest. “Yeah, that’s where I was heading. I just need to get things from my locker, and try and find somewhere with reception to call my mother and let her know I’m okay.” Swallowing, she took a tentative step towards him. “Please come. We don’t have to talk. The library is a big place. I just..” She paused, her voice cracking a little. “I need you safe.” It didn’t matter what was happening between them, she wouldn’t be able to settle her mind if she thought he was in trouble. There was no way he was leaving the school, and everywhere else could end up being dangerous. It was probably over-reacting on her behalf, but she knew she’d worry and he owed her that much, didn’t he? She still cared deeply for him, that wasn’t going to fade quickly. He had to understand that.

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[alex]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,355,true] It was probably apparent that Brad had been on one of his famous benders, his disheveled left his hair sticking up in places, his stubble covered his jaw and dark circles clung to his eyes as if their life depended on it. He looked tired; he was tired in far more ways than one. Ruby was angry with him that was very obvious to him, though it’d been obvious the moment she spoke. It’s not like he expected anything different though, he could pretend all he wanted that he was going to try and sneak out for her sake, but deep down even he knew it was all for his own benefit. The idea of dealing with saying goodbye, to fessing up to the fact that he was a coward… well it didn’t sit right with him. However that wasn’t a new occurrence, Bradley was known by most people for his pride. Never admit you were wrong, never apologize it’s a sign of weakness; mantras his father had instilled in him. Funny how his father believed that so strongly yet he would apologize to his mother all the time with a bouquet of roses representing false promises; false promises that were always broken almost as quickly as they were made. Brad always wondered why he held onto anything his father told him; the day he left was the best day of his life. Even if he hadn’t realized it at the time, but as the bruises faded he began to realize the benefit of it. What it meant for both him and his mother. It took him years to realize his father’s rage burned within him as well, he only needed to put a kid in a coma for that to happen. That rage burned as Ruby laughed bitter and spat words at him, with a scoff he let words slip from his lips “yeah well you don’t wanna die, that’s more than ... some people can say” he said trying to recover from his close slip. “so I’d say your pretty well off” another comment that was sure to set her off. Brad always had a knack for doing that pushing people’s buttons without intending too. Always saying the wrong thing came as easily as breathing to him. Home life was never easy and sadly enough Ruby was the one person who he ever really felt truly cared for him, she was his shining light and he hated himself so much that he snuffed that light from his life. A viscous laugh escaped him “you have too, right I’m pretty sure your family is quite capable of caring for themselves” he scoffed before speaking again “they walk on you because you let them” he pointed at her violently. The thing that Brad always loved her for was the very thing that made him hate her so much of the time. That she needed to help people, she seemed to thrive of feeling needed. Though he really didn’t have much of an idea about her family, he wanted to hurt her; as much as he didn’t at the same time. Mostly he didn’t want to hurt her though, mostly he wanted to wrap his arms around her and hold her until everything was right with them again, but he knew their time had passed, he knew they weren’t them anymore. Everything they were, could’ve been or even would have been; it was torn in two and each of them got a piece. Knowing he was responsible was horrible, but he’d become accustomed to hating himself for ruining his own life though at this point it’d become a vicious cycle where he began to believe he didn’t deserve anything good in his life. Shaking his head his entire demeanor softened “it’s not different” he spoke simply and shifted his weight from foot to foot. He nodded as she reassured him of where she was going. A slight smile danced on his lips “you company sucks” he said pulling out his phone and checking his own bars, there weren’t a lot, but it should be enough to make a call. Handing it to her he jerked his head toward the library “come on if it doesn’t work there should be a phone in the library” She was better off without him, but at the moment she was being a pain and not listening to him, so he would give her what she wanted. They’d walk by his locker, he could grab a book or something to sketch on; anything to keep his attention off the way Ruby’s hair seemed to float around her face.

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[ruby]

It’s not different.

It wasn’t what she had been expecting to hear. In fact, it took the girl a few moments to realise what he was talking about. When she did though, it felt like a vice had realized her heart. Hope kindled her hear-beat and filled her. Hope that she wasn’t worthless to Bradley, that it didn’t all have to go to hell between them. She had no idea how they could come back from what had happened, but hearing him inform her that he felt pain at losing her was something. A tangible piece of evidence that he cared- that she hadn’t been completely wrong. She’d clung to a lot less in the past when it came to this boy, so she wasn’t about to just shrug off this. It wasn’t enough though just to forget it all and slip her hand into his and skip off towards the library like nothing had changed. It wasn’t enough, but it was a very good start. It was enough that she wasn’t going to respond to his earlier comments. They hadn’t been lost on her though- she’d heard him catch himself and she was certain on what he was about to say. She couldn’t say that hearing him talk like that didn’t hurt her.

Looking up at him, Ruby let her eyes meet his. A softness to her expression that, while was usually her demeanour, had been missing since she saw him. Instead of talking about it, she let her eyes express what she was feeling. Better that then to scare him off by trying to get him to elaborate or extract a deep confession from him. She didn’t need that anyway. She never needed a lot of words when it came to Bradley, especially when she had learned to only believe half of what he said. Less than that if you counted all the things he had talked himself into being true that really weren’t. The blonde had grown skilled at pin-pointing his lies, even though she never called him out on them. It was rather silly actually. He knew that she was aware of his lies, and she knew that he knew. Yet they still took part in the roles they had cast themselves in like some strange dance. Neither of them willing to break the charade, for fear that it would change the delicate structure that their relationship was built on. How were they to know it would be shattered so quickly with something that was supposed to be so meaningful.

At his joke, Ruby let herself laugh inwardly. Creating no sound. Though it was clear from her expression that she was amused. She smiled up at him as she reached out to take his phone. Careful not to accidently touch his hand. Ruby wasn’t sure she could handle physical contact with him. It would either end in her tears, or a need to hold him and never let go. Neither were at all desirable in that moment. “Thanks.” She let her eyes linger on his for another moment before she looked down to make the call. His service must have been better than hers, because she was able to call her home number. Ruby’s stance changed. Biting her lower lip, she turned her body away from Bradley, giving him a view of her side profile. She tried not to make the call too long, for fear of using up all of Bradley’s minutes, however after telling her mother where she was, she was silent for a few moments listening to her mother talk. “Okay,” was all she said before saying goodbye and hanging up. She took a deep breath and stood for a moment before turning back to Bradley to hold out his phone.

Re-arranging her features, she forced a smile to return. “She says hi.” Ruby lied. Her mother hadn’t really been at all interested in whom Ruby was with, but she wanted to make Bradley feel like her family were at least somewhat interested in him. Even after everything, she was still so concerned about his feelings. As she watched him, Ruby was starting to worry how she was going to deal with being alone with him in the library. Though her anger had dissipated, she was still so confused about how she should feel and what she should do. Looking into his eyes was making her feel a little light headed, so she tilted her gaze down to his hands. Which reminded her what it had felt like when his fingers had caressed her bare skin. With a shiver, she blinked and looked back up at his face again. That was safer, she thought. At least for the moment.

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[alex]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,355,true] He could have kept that little bit of information to himself, in fact he should have. He’d regretted it as soon as the words made their way past his lips. Not saying anything would have allowed her to believe she meant nothing to him, that she was just another girl to him; a friend he didn’t mind being rid of. However the thought of allowing her to think that was too much for him as much as he didn’t think he deserved Ruby in his life he knew he never wanted to hurt her, in fact that was the entire reason he couldn’t just suck it up and tell her he wanted her in his life, that he needed her in his life. The single light in a world of darkness, that’s how he’d always seen Ruby. A light that needed to be snuffed out of his life so that it could continue to shine in others. No the boy wasn’t that selfish, he was kind under his harsh exterior; he’d been a joy to be around once, before his own light was snuffed out. Sadly enough he couldn’t pinpoint when that happened at what exact moment did he realize that being happy was impossible? When did he decide that being a horrible person was the best way to go? In all honesty he couldn’t figure it out and after a while he just decided it wasn’t worth it to try. Feeling his cellphone slip from his fingers he heard her murmur a thanks, Brad looked away uncomfortable as she let her eyes rest on him a bit longer; he back away from her as if he were crawling back into his dark cave and ridding her of his existence. Why was it so hard to breath around Ruby, the only time he every actually felt like he wanted to breath was the one time he couldn’t. Ruby was impossible to hate, but it would be so much easier if he could bring himself to. Leaning against a locker again as he watched she turned away from him a spoke with her mother for a few moment. He could call his mother, but he really didn’t think she’d care much, not only because she was an absent mother, but also for the simple fact that Bradley had made staying out all night and day without calling a major habit of his. Though maybe if she’d freaked out on him a couple times he would. Bradley allowed himself to scoff lightly in amusement “I’m sure she did” it was no secret that Ruby’s entire family hated him, at least those that she talked to. Even if Ruby’s mother had known he was there she wouldn’t have said to say hello to him for her. As much as she could tell when Brad was lying he could tell when she seldom did, all those times she told him it was fine that he’d disappeared on her he knew she was lying and he knew he should give her an explanation, yet never did. If he had he’d have to explain why he’d disappeared and that would have revealed a lot more than he wanted her to know. Toying with the thought of calling his own mother again as he took his phone back, he shook the thoughts out of his head. She wouldn’t care or worry about him if anything she’d only be annoyed by his call. He jerked his head toward the library “come on” he said beginning to walk. Knowing that he should apologize for everything, what he said and did; though apologizing had never been his strong suit. However he’d never really tried it because no one really had ever made him or even asked for one. That didn’t excuse him though he knew that, people shouldn’t have to ask for an apology. The last couple weeks he’d found that he had a lot of issues with things others find so simple, saying I love you; he could say it he just didn’t know how to mean it when he did. Apologizing… gosh why was that one so hard? With Ruby no less, the one person he should be able to say anything to and he couldn’t say the one thing he wanted to say. Pulling open the library door he held it for Ruby to walk through. He avoided looking at her, for some reason he found it hard to look at her; he was afraid if he did he’d just end up right where he started, trying to find a way not to kiss her. “so…” he began not really knowing what he was going to say next though letting it hand in the air like that seemed stupid, so he said the first thing that came to mind “what are you doing here anyway” damn, now she probably ask him the same question. He’d just say that he was picking up his transcript for college applications, yeah that was a funny thought applying to colleges; Brad didn’t even know if he wanted to go to college.

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[ruby]

Everything was subtext between the two. Neither saying what they meant, yet somehow they always understood. Or at least most of the times. There were times Ruby felt like she was at a complete loss when it came to Bradley. She knew him so well, and they had bonded rather quickly. And yet, the more she learnt about him, the more she realised how complicated human nature was. She supposed she had been lucky. All the men that had been in her life had never left her wondering. Luca, her first boyfriend had been good at expressing himself, and she had always thought that Thatcher wore his heart on his sleeve (though his reaction to the Bradley situation had her a little confused, but that was another story entirely), so she wasn’t exactly used to how secretive Bradley was. Especially considering the fact that each time she thought she’d gotten through to him, he took her by surprise by putting up a ton of new walls that she had to start climbing. Despite all of that though, she was getting good at the subtext between them. Too good. She shouldn’t just accept it from him. And for a while she hadn’t.

By kissing him, she had forced them both to deal with their relationship. Though she wasn’t following through with it now. Her anger towards him had shifted, and she had let it fizzle out. Now they were being polite with each other and ignoring the issue between them. She hated herself for not having the gumption to see it through, but apparently not as much as she hated fighting with Bradley, or feeling like she was losing him. When did she become so co-dependent that she would settle for a politely awkward connecting with him over cutting him out of her life at all? Ruby smiled softly at Bradley. She knew he could see right through her comment about her mother, but that didn’t matter. He wasn’t going to call her put on it. So instead of saying anything she merely nodded, and started to walk beside him. Which was probably as bad idea, considering she could feel his body heat tingling her arm. Walking behind him seemed needlessly awkward though, and if she was going to deal with being around him in the library she may as well get used to quelling her desire to reach out and touch him.

Somehow now, it was worse than it had been. Maybe because now she knew what it felt like. Or maybe because she had actually admitted and succumbed to her feelings for him. Letting out a low sigh, she paused as he opened the door for her. Watching for a moment before she started to slip past him and into the library. His question had caught her by surprise though and she stopped, half way through the door with her body dangerously close to Bradley’s. Looking up, she swallowed. Why wasn’t he looking at her? A tingle shot through the blonde as she tried to ignore his lack of eye contact in order to answer his question. “I just lost track of time..” She said softly, swallowing. “I was in the dark room, developing a roll of film and-“ Her voice choked a little and she looked down. And what? It had been all of him and she’d gotten side-tracked wallowing in her own emotions? That wasn’t exactly his business, and sharing it with him wouldn’t be the smartest idea. Now she had to say something though, because she’d started saying something. She really hated the fact that Bradley caused her thought process to falter.

While she attempted to find an ending to her sentence, Ruby found herself focusing her gaze on Bradley’s hand. Heart rate picking up, she tried to open her mouth and talk, but sound wasn’t her friend, nor were words. God, this was pathetic. She couldn’t figure out what was worse though- the fact she wanted to reach out and touch his hand even after everything he’d done, or the fact she didn’t have the nerve to do it. She’d had the courage that night to do something about it, so why not now? Reaching out, she tentatively brushed her fingers across his. “I found the photos from that day we drove up the coast..” she told him quietly. Her fingers still feather light on his. Eyes watching their hands. “You glared at me most of the time for taking photos, but I could see in your eyes you didn’t mind..” Though Ruby wasn’t one for talking, she felt like as long as she was speaking, she could get away with what she was doing. “You got your revenge though, later when we had stopped by that beach. When you just took my camera off me and picked me up and ran me into the crashing waves. Clothes and all.”

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[alex]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,355,true] Whereas Ruby hadn’t been let down by any of the male figures in her life, until Brad came along anyway. He however had never had a normal relationship of any kind, with a male or female. All his girlfriends had been insane in one way or another and every male figure in his life had just let him down, everyone but John. His only positive father figure, yet still Brad couldn’t help, but resent him; why couldn’t he have showed up earlier when he was still young and innocent. No john had showed up much too late to save Bradley, at least Brad thought so. At this point the idea of a normal relationship was comical to the tall fair haired boy. He was a James Dean type, the kind that live hard and die young. He never needed a reason to act reckless and stupid, for the better half of his life he did everything he could to make people deem him unworthy of their presence. For some reason Ruby had never fallen for his game, she somehow decided that he was important to her and since she’d decided that, he couldn’t find a way to convince her otherwise. Even now she seemed to forgive him for running out on her. Running, something he’d been great at his entire life. He was always the fastest kid on the soccer field, no one could catch him. Even when he was running in a different way, he still had never been caught; yet Ruby went and knocked him off his feet without even trying. She’d been so angry, he wondered if that just fizzled away? Was she really just too sweet to stay mad for long or was he really just that charming. Maybe it was still there boiling beneath the surface, but she was just to kind to make them both suffer for it. Not that he needed Ruby hating him to feel horrible for what had transpired, it’d been the one thing he was trying to avoid and as much as he could blame her for it, he knew he was just as wrong, if not more so. Bradley always saw Ruby as this innocent being that was incapable of doing anything wrong; she was on a pedestal in his eyes and she’d never fallen thus far. Honestly he couldn’t even imagine her doing anything truly wrong, she was his opposite in almost every way. Hell he’d need at least a day to list all the ways they’re different from each other, the major thing that’s different between them which was really no secret was their relationships with their family. Though he didn’t think he’d ever told her he was jealous of the fact that Ruby had siblings, though he couldn’t imagine that an entire family of Brad’s would be much of a gift to the world, maybe things did happen for a reason. Maybe it wouldn’t have been good to have siblings, people like him didn’t help the world after all; they only made it worse. Though he didn’t know her siblings all that well considering he’d never been the kind of guy that Ruby’s parents invited to stay for dinner and “get to know” if they were anything like Ruby they likely made the world or someone’s life even just a little bit better. His attention was caught by Ruby speaking softly, why was she answering his question? Oh right because she was painfully kind. Furrowing his brow as she let her words hang in the air for a few moment and what? he thought to himself, what couldn’t she say to him, what caused her to pause before she finished her sentence, what was sad about developing film? He’d paused earlier; let his words hang in the air, but that was simply because he hadn’t thought before he made a sound. Flinching as she brushed her fingers against his he listened as she spoke about the day they drove up coast, they day she showered him with attention; attention he didn’t ask for, she just gave it to him willingly as if he deserved it. A small smile twitched on his lips as she spoke of his revenge. Returning his face to his silver straight stare he pulled his hand away from Ruby “don’t do that Rube” he said coldly, though his icy tone was laced with sadness “don’t let me off the hook, don’t forgive me” he looked at the floor, he couldn’t look her in the eye, not while he was asking her to give up on him. Taking a deep breath he spoke softly “let’s just get through this” he said simply his eyes transfixed on a smudge on the linoleum floor, a smudge on a white floor; he couldn’t help, but think that it would make a perfect metaphor for his effect on Ruby’s stark white life.

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