dance a tango to hell [ellis]

[jess1z13]

The first time she’d seen this house, Lyn had congratulated Logan with half her heart. She had been struggling then and she was still struggling now. It was hard not to be actually proud of Logan, and it wasn’t the house Lyn had wished was hers, but the fact that he was published. Twice. However, among the pang of frustration that was constant even after all this time, Lyn felt a certain satisfaction knowing that he wouldn’t be where he was hadn’t it been for her – in more aspects than one… not all of them pleasant, granted, but the house was certainly an indirect product of their relationship. Right? This time, Lyn was stepping inside like a few times before, although now to be greeted by no one. The lack of furniture created an echo as she dropped her bag to the floor –not without retrieving her lighter and pack of cigarettes from a side compartment— and took a few steps in . She did like that house. The morning light filled it just right. It was much earlier than Lynette would have been up on any other day when she didn’t have to be at work, but she’d had to practically sneak out of the apartment in order to avoid her boyfriend’s questions. Sleeping (and sharing a home) with the boss did have its perks, however: getting a few days leave for no concrete reason, for example, was a particularly advantageous one. Especially when you needed a break from your life to come see your ex boyfriend.

She removed her boots right there in the vast entrance hall and stepped further into the house, leaving the pair right there in the very way. Lynette got to the place that would have been the living room had Logan decided to hire a decorator and she approached the high windows to gaze at the outside. Dr. No was nowhere to be found. So no company during the wait. Just as well. The creature liked fighting Lyn for Logan’s attention. Looking over at the pool, it suddenly occurred to Lynette that bright days were scarce and that she hadn’t been to visit in ages. Which meant she hadn’t dipped in the pool in ages. And it would be a little while longer before Ellis got off work, she calculated. So, without further musing, her dress was off and forsaken somewhere on the floor behind her. Then she was out through the doors leading to the yard, the pack of cigarettes still in her hand. On the way she removed her underwear in a few swift movements, again leaving the pieces of soft fabric on the ground as a sort of trail. She dropped the pack and the lighter by the edge and immediately took a dive, swam toward the opposite end of the pool and back below the water, finally resurfacing and reaching for her vice. She lit up a cigarette and turned her back to the edge. Her arms were outstretched to the sides and resting on the wet ground, warm from the sunlight, and finally, Lynette tilted her head back to rest it on the firm surface with her eyes closed.

The water was rather murky. Beer cans littered the bottom. The yard, in general, could do with some professional help. Sometimes Lyn wondered who the biggest mess was out of the two of them. Now a cigarette was being put out on the ground surrounding the pool as another one was lit. Lynette didn’t mind it too much. It was nice to be out in the water, under the sun and naked. It looked like she would be spending the next hour or so chain smoking and sunbathing.

outfit

[LOGAN IAN ELLIS]

"No, mom. No. I get it."

Ellis had no idea why he had actually humored the woman and picked up the phone this time around. Maybe it was because he felt guilty that he hadn't talked to her in such a long time. Maybe it was because her birthday was coming up in a few months and wanted to figure out something to get her. After some rummaging around in his center console, he gingerly picked up a capped pen, balled his fist around it, shut his eyes, and ceremoniously pounded the cap end against his forehead. He didn't know who he was trying to fool by talking to her. The only reason he picked up was because he needed some kind of valid excuse to avoid walking into his house. Procrastination was king, and it wasn't like he had much to look forward too once he took the keys out of the ignition and headed inside. He had just pulled into his driveway and he all ready started to regret it.

"No mom, I don't want to die cold and alone at an old age in my house. Yes, I'll live until I'm old. How can you even say that to your own son? No, thats completely unrealistic, no one chokes on frozen TV dinners."

By this time, the simple pounding gesture of the marker had been coupled with a furrowed brow and an idle shaking of his head back and forth. The conversation had found itself in a less then comfortable place for him and if he had had any more confidence in himself, he might have had the guts to change it. Pushing against the floor with his feet, he slowly sank back into the depths of the driver seat. It didn't matter how old he was, she'd always find something worth criticizing. He stopped stabbing himself and let loose a sigh of apathy. Or desperation. Maybe depression. It amazed him how even at thirty, the harpie on the other end of the line seemed to possess this inane gift to make Ellis feel like he was sixteen again. Then again, it wasn't as if much had changed since then if one wanted to get technical.

"No, no. I'm not blowing you off. I'm really listening."

Here he was at thirty, still lying to his mother. Still in High School. Still single, procrastinating, and still unable to get up on time in the morning for classes. Taking the pen away from his face, he tossed it behind his shoulder and into the backseat with an offhand gesture. Even this was getting boring. With one fluid motion, he slipped the keys from the ignition and into the pocket of his messenger bag. Slinging the bag over his neck and shoulder, Ellis gave an off hand "uh-huh" into the receiver of his cellphone before climbing out of the car. Locking the door with his free hand, the man made his way up the driveway and into the unkempt yard of his supposed home. There was no fumbling with keys as he approached the threshold, his free hand opening the unlocked door into the entrance. He never felt the need to lock it - there was nothing of any value in there anyway.

"Mom, I..." he paused, his eyes falling onto an all too familiar Puma bag resting in the foyer. "I need to go." Maybe it was about time he started to learn how to lock things...

His heart had found the need to immediately relocate itself in his throat, his jaw opening and letting loose some kind noise that resembled panic. Or was it excitement? Granted, a day didn't go by where Ellis didn't think of his ex, but with that being said, a day didn't go by where he didn't try to forget about her. Letting his phone drop from his hand to crash upon the floor, he summoned the will power to carry on further into the house. This must have been some kind of joke - just a few days ago he had had lunch with a beautiful woman named Scarlet. It had put a bounce in his step over the past few days - he should have known that it would have been short lived. Following the trail of garments leading to the backdoor, his mind couldn't help but delve into a more carnal state of mind. There were times when he would have wanted nothing more then to come home to find a nude Lyn waiting for him. Things were different now, though, after the way that she had destroyed him.

As he made his way into his backyard, his eyes had found her. There was in involuntary feeling in his groin that forced him to walk towards her, a painful smile lifting the corners of his lips before disappearing all together. His teeth clamped onto the back of his bottom lip. She always knew how to leave him speechless. Taking a moment to admire the way the light refracted on her flawless complexion, Ellis tried his best to stifle the beating in his throat and savor the silence. He knew it would be short lived; her voice always had the nastiest of habits to cause his head to spin. "You're lucky EJ, isn't here," he stated, his deep voice breaking the silence as he found himself next to her. The satchel over his shoulder was being pulled off and tossed onto the ground, the man crouching over Lynette's pack of smokes to pull one out for himself. Lighting it and placing it between his lips, he took a pull before continuing, "She wouldn't hesitate for a second to plug the toaster in and toss it in here with you."

[jess1z13]

Lynette allowed the sun warm her eyelids as it was doing the rest of her features until the sound of Logan’s voice sneaked up from behind her, just as warm as the light if not more. She turned to him and lifted her head. Her eyes lit up the second they landed upon him and she rested her forearms on the hard surface before her as she continued looking up at him with a smile.

“Ellie,” she greeted warmly. He was helping himself to one of her cigarettes and Lynette contemplated him surrounded by light until he spoke again. Reaching into the pack, careful not to get the contents wet, Lyn grabbed and lit up another smoke for herself, grinning at his comment.

“She’s too visceral to be around preschoolers.”

But Lynette didn’t want to talk about Logan’s friends who hated her. Which amounted to all of them. Which amounted to two, granted. But those two people were important to him and as soon as they learned of just who was taking a swim in his pool again, they would object and fuel any uncertainty that was without a doubt going through Logan’s head at the moment. She was sure of it. Lyn really did not much fancy competing with them, which could happen regardless of their absence. She was done complaining to Logan about their inflexibility, insensitive words and meddling ways. They didn’t understand. That was that. Trying to point it out was exhausting; they were more a part of his life than she was. And bringing them up rarely ever ended anything other than negatively for Lynette.

However, it was not as if she was not aware of those prickling uncertainties of his. She understood them even. Nevertheless, Lynette’s own need to see Logan was, she would insist, greater. And all she could do about their current situation was try her best to make him see that, accept it, accept her, and not hurt him. Any more. He was a grown man and he was well. All in all. Not many thirty year olds could say they owned property –let alone this property- bought with their own hard work. And of course, if Lynette hadn’t veered Logan off from his initial plan in their school days, he would at best be a starving science teacher. Well, no. Lyn couldn’t solemnly say that statement was indeed true. Truth was, she knew how exceptionally bright Logan was. If he were still a scientist, it would only mean he would probably be working for the Pentagon or some post of similar proportions. But his talent would have regrettably gone to waste.

She blew out a thin string of smoke and watched him. He didn’t seem too upset to have her there. That was all Lynette needed. More than once she had left him in a less than optimal state after one of her visits. And she hated knowing that he was mad at her; it made her bite her nails. Every time they parted ways, she feared that would be the time when he would have enough and really not forgive this time. When she had last sneaked a phone call, he had not picked up. That sole action had made Lynette more nervous than she had felt since winding up out of a job. What if he had been with someone? Intimately? Lynette knew for a fact that Ellis hadn’t been serious with anyone after her and she didn’t know how she would feel if he suddenly made a change in his life that way. Lyn usually avoided asking. So long as he let her into his house, into his bed, talked to her, laughed with her occasionally and held her, there was no need to know.

“I think your pool guy quit,” she commented ironically. Lynette pushed herself gently away from the edge of the pool to a point where he could see her full body, distorted by the moving water, leaving only her cigarette hand to hold on to the hard ground, “Then again, I’ve always admired your commitment to symbolism,” she teased, turning her head to glance at the derelict landscape.

“Wanna come in?” she asked, looking up at him again, “Or would you prefer we go straight to the bathtub?”

[LOGAN IAN ELLIS]

Ellis frowned. He knew the dynamic between Lyn and EJ. He was the one that had brought it up. It wasn't as if he had expected anything different from his first love as she spat a remark about his best friend. EJ just wanted what was best for him. She had spent years trying to clean up the mess that Lynette had afflicted upon him. It was understandable that she was so adamant and hostile about getting Lynette out of his life. Why Lyn hated EJ, though? That was a different story entirely. His brain had nearly split in two trying to figure out why his ex continued to show up like this. Surely, she couldn't still be in love with him. She wouldn't have left him like she did. On the same hand, there was no way she could have been over him either. She wouldn't have kept coming back to him like this. He had convinced himself that what they had was something special. It was something that she could never find in another man. Every time she showed up like this, it only solidified that fact. Then again, every time she left, it fell to pieces again.

Running his free hand through his hair as she spoke, he could feel his insides start to shift. God, she looked beautiful. It had been too long since he heard her voice in person instead of through a receiver. The reality of it all was starting to sink in. As she situated herself farther from the wall, he tried his best to keep his eyes from indulging in the opportunity. There were things that needed to be addressed before he allowed himself to surrender to her. He knew for a fact that it was only a matter of time before he gave in - she must have known it to. It was only on a rare occasion that he had the will power to say no to those beautiful brown eyes. It was only after he his heart was lifeless on the floor that he ever had the urge to tell her to stop. And as for her offensive strategy to approach him completely naked? Well that was too much for any man to pass up. Straight or not. She was perfection. Taking a long drag off of his smoke, he closed his eyes and let the sensation fill him before he began weighing out his options. After an elongated pause and a very drawn out sigh, Ellis took a seat on the ground near the edge of the pool.

"Why are you here, Nettsy?" He asked in the simplest of tones, a smile forming on his lips as the old silly nickname instinctively dropped from them. Old habits died hard. Propping his smoke between his lips, he allowed himself to get comfortable on the ground - his legs sitting indian style while his hands rested on the cool pool lining. It wasn't as if he was attempting to be rude and avoid her question, Ellis had heard her offer. The fact that the front of his jeans had grown that much tighter was proof of that. He'd cash that in just a little later. There was a small pang of embarrassment at the state of his yard, his pool, and even himself. He hadn't shaved in a few days and he was developing a half-assed goatee. His hair was unkempt and his shirt was wrinkled and unwashed. It subsided quickly though. Lyn had seen him at his worst, after all. She still managed to come around. It was one of the things that he loved most about her. Looping his fingers around the laces of his shoes, he preemptively prepared to strip down and join her. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

[jess1z13]

The use of that nickname always made Lyn wrinkle her nose in amusement. She gritted her teeth softly in a wide but coy smile that at once morphed into a sheepish grimace depicting humbleness as she shrugged her shoulders in the water. But any trace of shame quickly vanished from her expression, like any time Lynette had a favor to ask of anybody. Especially Logan. He wouldn’t say no.

“I’ve missed you,” she began after a short sigh, “Things have been… a bit shitty... lately.” Her fingers were gingerly treading over his knee. She spoke slowly, taking turns between bringing the cigarette to her lips and giving her other hand way to grow adventurous as her fingers explored Logan.

Somewhere, neglected, in the dark shadows of Lynette’s bag, the one he often borrowed from her boyfriend when she needed to carry an outfit with her, her cell phone would vibrate and light up the confined space, tucked away and forced to remain mute. At first the screen would announce that Evan had tried to reach her four times in a row. Twice more within the following ten minutes. Then it would vibrate against Lynette’s clean garments once every hour or so. It would probably take Evan the whole day to figure out that Lynette did not want to be found and he would finally begrudgingly accept that she would turn up on their doorstep whenever she very well felt like. Very likely without an explanation. And they would move on after a dispute. Like the last time. Lynette couldn’t be sure their confrontation of two nights ago would mean things would shift in any possible way. He would certainly continue to postpone the birth of her novel, to ignore her hard work and to tell her between kisses that she had to be patient. And Lynette would stick around because he always managed to persuade her. Much like he had persuaded her to move in with him four months ago and make the commitment she had denied all of her previous men –most blatantly Logan. Life with Evan already felt like a marriage, an adjustment heavy to carry out despite the wonderful three-bedroom apartment overlooking the city they shared. The product resulting from the tumultuous blend of those emotions and certain vocational woes left to simmer for almost a decade had been causing Lynette to lose sleep. She was circling the core of the problem with Logan, however, and unless it was a matter of life or death, she would continue to do so. The part of her life that included Logan was completely separate from the mundane one in which Lyn worked in a cubicle and went home to a man who wore a suit during the day; she would keep things that way if possible for eternity. Job frustrations would bubble up on their own. But anything related to her home life was to be suppressed. It was in no way an easy fit for a woman with a tendency to carry on a conversation by herself, and about her own life, and who would undoubtedly swallow some bitterness when asking her ex boyfriend about his upcoming book.

“I needed a change of scenery and… I can’t exactly afford a hotel room right now. I was wondering if maybe I could crash here. For a few days?”

Lyn stopped her hand and rested it dangerously close to a very strategic place of his anatomy, but looked up at Logan for a reply, as if unaware of her hand’s location.

[LOGAN IAN ELLIS]

She had missed him. Every time Lyn managed to say that sentence, the chemical reaction in Ellis' brain went askew. While the corners of his lips pulled themselves upwards into a sincere smile, the pit of his stomach clenched and turned over itself. It was good for his soul to know that she had missed him. He had missed her too. Too many nights had been dedicated to to deciphering Lynette's mixed messages on whether or not she legitimately cared for him at all; hearing those words from her seemed to make them all worth it. Maybe he should try to contact her more on his own. Maybe if he started to try again, she'd want him back. It had been years, after all. People could change over the span of a few years. Right? He certainly had. Who was to say that Lyn hadn't as well? The smile flickered briefly, before spreading a little further.

Some where in the back of his mind, he was fully aware that this was a total mistake. There was an unmistakable spike of joy in subconscious when she said things were going shitty. Was it wrong that knowing she was unhappy, made him happy? She had hurt him, after all. She kept continuing to hurt him as well. Maybe it was some kind of karmic retribution system that life brought about to show Lynette just how much of a mistake she had made by letting him go. Those words were EJ's of course, not his. If he had half of the confidence in himself that EJ and Marco did, he might have had the balls to fight for her to stay the first time she tried to leave him. Instead, Ellis did what came naturally: he rolled over, played dead, and just kept waiting for the day when she would come back. It obviously worked in some way or another, considering she was here, wasn't she?

How ever true these thoughts were, they were muted as soon as he had laid eyes on her hand. It was harmless, yet warm and just enough to get his palms to prickle. Running his tongue along the inside of his bottom lip, he rested his gaze on her thick lips as she spoke. How could he find something so simple, so sexy? The way she formed her syllables was some kind of an art form and coupled with her familiar touch, Ellis exhaled. The only word that seemed to come to him as he ran his fingers through his mangled locks was, "Ok." Even still, his voice was low and barely inaudible. While it wasn't the answer to her current question on whether or not she could stay - it was his decision on what he was going to do next with a soaking wet Lynette Morrison in his presence. Standing up, he kicked his shoes off and hooked his hands on the bottom edge of his button down shirt. Slipping it over his head with ease, he tossed it aside and jumped into the deep end of the tepid pool water.

Letting the water consume him, he enjoyed a brief moment of weightlessness beneath the surface before emerging. It was at this point that he realized there was no turning back.

Breaking the meniscus, he shook the water from his face and let loose the air in his lungs with an elongated sigh. His hands had pushed his hair out of his face and his legs began the attempt of treading water in jeans. Blinking a few times to ensure that the beer infused water didn't burn his eyes, he found Lynette against the wall still and flashed her a wide smile. It was probably the child in him, but the blatant stereotypical romance of the moment couldn't be ignored. "You could stay here for ever, love," he stated, his eyes landing on her own out of general sincerity for his words. Slowly, he swam over to the edge of the pool opposite of Lynette. With his back against the lining, he rested his elbows on the ledge to lounge in place. He paused before continuing, enjoying the cool air on his bare chest and trying to ignore his cumbersome jeans, "The last time I asked though, you said no."

[jess1z13]

Her smile spread wider delicately with the barely visible relief Logan’s answer had brought Lynette. There was always the thinnest of chances that he would tire of her intermittent presence and affection. Or that he would call Lynette out on her fickle behavior and vague excuses. She had always been skilled at hiding the self-satisfaction that threatened to undo the warm expression with which she looked at Logan whenever he obliged or took her back or said something soft and sweet to her despite everything that may have taken place in the past. It was a simple formula, however. All Lynette had to do was ask and it was as though time had hardly gone by at all and they could simply be together and be alright. Like before he proposed.

Lynette liked change. A rolling stone gathers no moss. As comfortable and happy as she had been with Logan during the entire duration of their relationship, the change he had proposed for them with marriage had in reality signified permanence. And steadiness. And eternity. And you don’t desire that with someone who has such trouble grasping the concept of monogamy, do you? Which had alerted Lynette of just how different their conceptions of their love were. And how distant their stages in life were at that point. Had they changed, though, after all these years? Was a life with Logan as unthinkable now as it had been fresh out of college? He loved her. He was good to her. He made her laugh. He had a mind that kept constantly amazing her and teaching her in many ways and he made her feel special and as though she was worthwhile. Logan had never looked at her like the other boys did or grown sick of her antics like her other men. And now he had the socially demanded steady job without being a suit-wearing clay figure. He had a house Lynette felt almost at home in. In addition, he needed someone to take care of him. And Lyn needed someone to take care of her. It wasn’t a laughable idea. It made, in fact, all the sense in the world.

Lynette plainly couldn’t bring herself to allow the couple –or whatever they could be labeled as- some stability. He had offered her his future more than once. All she had to do was go home, break things up with Evan and bring her stuff to rest on the empty rooms of this house. Yet, even as she shielded the last of her cigarette from the drops of water following Logan’s acceptance of her invitation, Lynette knew she would be disappearing on home in a few days time.

Turning to face him again as Logan extended an invitation of his own, the one she had heard before and had come to expect during her visits, Lyn took one last, long drag from her smoke before putting it out on the wet ground behind her. She swam toward him, both challenged by his remoteness and stance and eager to put the offer (and thus the subject of her previous rejection) behind them by pressing her body against his. With a troublesome glint in her eye, Lyn put her arms around Logan’s neck to weightlessly cling to him. She kissed him hungrily. Breaking up for air after enough time to enjoy him, Lyn dropped one of her arms to wrap instead around Logan’s shoulder so as to rest her chin on it.

“Have you had anything to eat besides Mystery Meat and whatever comes out of vending machines?” she murmured as her hand began tracing shapeless figures on the back of Logan’s head, “I was thinking we could cook something tonight...” Lynette hadn’t cooked a day in her life, but going out wasn’t an option in a town so small that it provided the risky opportunity of running into her actual boyfriend somewhere.