swallow my soul, ruby

[ruby]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,305,true] Ruby felt herself grin against his lips. She wanted to laugh, really. Relief was washing over her. How could I not. Those words seemed so beautiful to her. The best words she had ever heard. In four words Bradley had managed to express all that Ruby needed to hear. That of course he was going to kiss her back, that there was no option but to kiss her back. It made her surprise seem silly, really. Of course he felt everything she had been feeling. How could he not? The spark that ignited every time they touched was so strong that neither of them had a choice but to feel it. They could push it aside and try to ignore it, but it was there. Stronger then Ruby really knew what to deal with. This was a good first step in dealing though. Indulging in him, drinking him in. Letting everything about him surround her, fill her, consume her. She knew what she was doing- or at least she thought she did. She understood they were fast encroaching on the point of no return both physically and mentally, and there was no going back once they reached that point, but she didn’t deter them. When she thought about her morals, Ruby had never really considered herself the sort of girl who found one kiss could lead so easily to everything else. That was until she had kissed Bradley though. He was intoxicating, a sweet but deadly cocktail that had you drunk with the very first sip. Ruby found that her body was responding to his on its own. Actions she didn’t agree to or even consider just happening without hesitation. She found that she didn’t care though. She guessed that was what people meant when they talked about being in the moment. Well, she was very much in the moment. A soft whimper sounded in her throat. Sending a vibration to his lips. His hands, while they felt perfectly fantastic on her back, weren’t doing anything particularly stimulating, so it surprised her how her body was heating up. Since when had just kissing been such a turn on? She was curious to know if it was like this all the time, or if it was just this kiss. Though she figured there would be time to figure all that out. She hoped they’d have many more kisses in the future for her to figure all that out. The hand wrapped around is upper arm slid down to his wrist, pausing there for a moment before it slid back up. Taking the sleeve of his sweater upwards with it. She stopped at his elbow, and instead of continuing to pull up the sleeve, she let her fingers slip up under it. Feeling the bare skin under his sleeve. It was desire fuelling her actions now. Curiosity may have been playing a part, but really, she was losing herself in the want. She had wanted to feel his bare flesh, so that’s what she had done. It didn’t even occur to Ruby that it wouldn’t be okay. Just like she didn’t even think about if her response to being picked up was okay by Bradley. Instinctually, she wrapped her thighs around his torso. Gripping him gently with her legs to make it easier for him to hold her up. The hand on his back moving to his neck. Making dammed sure the kiss wasn’t broken. Not that she thought he was going to stop kissing her, but she just wanted to assure him that she was all for what was happening between them. Regardless of the fact that they seemed to be moving incredibly fast. Helping him out with every step, Ruby lowered herself to the bed. Her head hitting the pillow softly. Her hand stayed on the back of his neck, and her legs still around his torso, ensuring that she pulled him down with her. The yellow dress she was wearing rode up to her hips, but she really didn’t care. The blonde kept her legs parted as she settled into the bed. Placing her feet on the mattress with her legs bent and knees in the air. Creating a perfect cradle for the lower half of Bradley’s body. Which she was hoping he’d choose to nestle his legs and torso into. She had to admit, that the idea of being swept off her feet and carried to the bed was just so romantic. Bradley seemed to know her so well, because she was sure other girls were probably just pressed against the wall while he ravished them. While that did have an appeal, she was thankful he had taken the option he had. It had made her feel like the heroine of one of those romance novels she loved so much. This whole moment felt like it should be a part of some great love story. Maybe she was wrong in thinking real life couldn’t be like that.

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[alex]

With every action he took he felt himself regretting it, but it was as if he couldn’t stop himself. He’d chosen not to listen to his brain’s pleas to stop all this madness and go with what his heart wanted, but now it seemed as if he had no control over the situation. As if he couldn’t stop if he wanted to, in fact he was coming to the realization that he wouldn’t stop unless she told him to. Somehow it didn’t seem like she was going to. If he’d been thinking he would have taken Ruby to the bed because he knew she was that kind of girl, but on the other hand if he’d been thinking he wouldn’t be taking her to anyone’s bed. Bradley was trying to you his brain as little as possible right now, more than anything he just wanted to think like Ruby for once, to believe in romance and love as more than just words people throw around to get someone in bed. Taking Ruby to the bed was a small action, but for him it was a big deal, if he was present in all this he’d realize that he wanted this to be special; he wanted Ruby to feel special. Abandoning back seat, bathroom and generally any public place sex meant that this meant something; he wasn’t trying to distance himself from her. As lame as it sounded to him, he wanted to actually connect with her; he wanted the world to move beneath them.

Wait a second, why was he just abandoning all his typical school of thought for this girl. If he were talking to himself he’d say he’d been struck dumb by the intoxicating fantasy of love, the idea that one person can make you happy and feel satisfied for the rest of your life. A sad lie people told to the emotionally weak. Now never had anyone told him he was emotionally weak, emotionally cut off, sure. Emotionally deficient, definitely, but weak was never a word that people associated with Bradley. Mommy dearest had even told him once he was born in the wrong time and would be much better suited for the years in which gladiators tore each other’s heads off and only the poets talked of love and selflessness. The fact that before her years as a head mistress she was a History teacher was obvious. For years though that was the one thing they agreed on, Bradley had never felt some need to fight for anything or even believe in anything. Funny how beating the living day lights out of people was the only time he felt anything and yet now he wished he could feel less, this intoxicating feeling was overwhelming and he just wanted to take a breath and come to his senses. At the same time it’s the last thing he wanted.

This love light felt like it was burning him, but he was a moth to the flame, just wanting to get closer and feel it’s heat consume him. Was he in love with her, he knew he loved her, but was he in love? How else could he explain this feeling, a chemical reaction in the brain, if his brain was doing why couldn’t when it was telling him to because all men are run by another brain. She was laying there, her arms around his neck; there was something to this, it was too comfortable. His hand ran up and down her thigh, her soft skin sent shivers up his spine. All this wasn’t new to him, he’d been with plenty of girls and somehow he felt like it was his very first time, the experience of a pro and the feeling of a virgin. While one hand was comfortable occupied by her thigh he moved the other to her face cradling her head gently, her ear fit so perfectly between his thumb and the rest of his fingers. Was this even happening? This one thing that he’d wanted, but never thought he’d allow himself to have. Was she prepared to give it all away to him? Most of all was he willing to take it? Could he even make that decision for himself at this point?

Breaking their kiss he kissed her neck, she was going have to stop him if she didn’t want this, he had no control over himself anymore. Kissing her neck, shoulders and collarbone, his teeth tracing invisible paths along her skin, he felt like an animal teasing his prey. Isn’t that what this was, the murder of innocence? His fingers gliding along the curves of her body, Bradley had never known the sensory beauty of simple touch. Not seeing her but feeling her, gliding along her skin, her perfect soft skin that he’d longed to touch since they met. It caused the hairs to stand up on the back of his neck. She was going to stop him; she wasn’t going to give him everything she had, not after she held it so close to her all these years. Hoping she wouldn’t and hoping she would, how could he take it, how could he not? Confliction may as well be his name right now, but he wasn’t the one to make this decision and he knew he wouldn’t be, she was the one giving it all away; she was the one with something to lose, something she couldn’t get back.

[ruby]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,305,true] One decision. That was all it took to change someone’s life. One small decision. Okay, well it was a big decision. One she had been so firm on in the past. Right then though, it seemed like such a tiny thing. It seemed like the only thing she could do. She wanted to give him something- something to prove to him that she thought he was special and worth it. So why not this? It was the ultimate thing she could give to someone and Ruby knew that Bradley was well aware of what it meant to her. If she let him be her first, he would have no more excuses, he wouldn’t be able to say he wasn’t good enough. One decision, one moment and she would be able to show him just how much he meant to her. How important he was. How special she thought he was. It would also show him how she felt. Ruby might not know how to express her love for him in words, but making such a choice would surely make it perfectly clear that she was in love with him. That she wanted to be with him. And it seemed right now, that he returned it all. Ruby tilted her head back as his lips broke away from hers and started to explore her neck. Creating more space for his own head to nestle in the curve of her neck and lavish her skin with attention. Each kiss pricked her skin like a hot needle, injecting her with anew desire for him. She’d never been the sort to have an addictive personality, but she was almost certain she’d just found her own personal brand of heroin. Moving her hands to the back of his head, Ruby ran her fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp gently as she did. Her lips parted, letting out a low whimpering moan. It was funny, but even the noises she was making seemed to fit Ruby. Some girls were surprising in the bedroom, completely shifting personalities. Even now though, with lust running through her, Ruby was soft, gentle and just so Ruby like. She was nervous though, that was something she wasn’t hiding. How could she not be? He had so much experience, and she wanted to live up to at least some of the expectations he probably had about the situation. Surely he’d understand though, if she lacked the skill of his more experienced partners? Ruby bit her lip. If this was going to happen, she wanted it to happen on her terms. As romantic as it would seem for Bradley to undress her and lead the situation, it would feel too much like his doing. She knew what people would say- they’d say he’d pressured her or that it was in some way his fault. Well, Ruby wasn’t having that. This was her choice, and she wanted to make that perfectly clear. Not that it was anyone else’s business, or that she was even going to be telling a great deal of people about this. Still, it was just as much for hers and Bradley’s benefit that she did it. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes for a moment. Breathing in his scent deeply. Stilling her nerves as she decided. Her hands moved to his chest, and she pushed him back gently. “Hold on a minute..” she murmured into his ear. Wanting to make sure he didn’t take her actions the wrong way. Moving up with him, so they were both sitting, she carefully moved off the bed, standing in front of him. Her eyes staying connected to his face the entire time. With shaking hands, she moved her hands to her hips. Hitching her dress up so she could hook her thumbs into her white stockings to pull them down over her thighs. Bending a little as she lowered them over her calves and kicked them off her feet. That was fine. He’d seen her legs without stockings before. It was no big deal. However the gesture of it, and what she was about to do next was causing her to blush and her hands to shake even more. With one hand, she tugged her headband out, throwing that aside too. Her hair falling around her shoulders. She was stalling. Standing there for a minute, she swallowed. She had started this, so she needed to finish. Carefully, trying to steady her hands, she took hold of her hem and pulled up her dress. Slowly but surely revealing her pale, soft skin. Over her head it went, and off to the side it was thrown. Leaving her in her simple blue matching underwear. Cheeks flushing deeply. She had no idea what he thought of her body. If he liked girls with more curves, less curves, darker skin.. She just hoped he didn’t find her too disgusting. Swallowing once more, she took a step towards the bed. She felt unsure of herself, yet it wasn’t enough to make her change her mind. Reaching out, she stroked his cheek gently before leaning down to press her lips to his. The kiss was slower than the others had been, but sensual. She didn’t have the words, but she was hoping none were needed. That he’d understand her intentions and he’d take the lead back now. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to continue being quite so bold in leading them all the way. She’d done enough though to cement the fact that she was perfectly in control of her actions and happy with what was happening between them. Her other hand moved to meet the first on his face, stroking both his cheeks as she continued to kiss him. Her tongue brushing across his lips slowly.

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[alex]

Shakespeare once said “Nothing is so common as the wish to be remarkable”, what he failed to mention is so little of the time do people actually obtain the elusive state. So little of the people who have, have no idea what they’ve accomplished, Ruby herself was remarkable and had no idea that just being around her made people feel like they were absorbing some of her light. When people were around her she made they feel special too and that is what truly makes someone remarkable. Right then at that very moment Bradley forgot how very unremarkable he was, her presence; her words had convinced him otherwise. She’d convinced him he was worthy of her, even if he was still screaming in the back of his mind that he wasn’t. At this very moment he wasn’t listening, her lips were intoxicating and he couldn’t get enough of her.

He knew this was important to her, he knew he should just pull away and run for the hills like he always did, but he was glued by the invisible current of electricity between them; that perfect spark that both pained and excited him to the core. Brad was always reckless physically, but never had he acted reckless when it came to his own heart, he’d disregarded others, but his own was always tucked safely behind his ribs. Now suddenly he felt as if it was in her hands, he hoped she couldn’t feel it pounding.

Nothing about this was right, but he couldn’t find the wrong either. Good old mom always said he’d feel this way at some point, someday he’d care for someone other than himself and somehow she always knew Ruby had the power to do it to him. Maybe there is such a thing as mother’s intuition. Damn why did she have to be right about this? If Bradley’s mind ever cleared long enough to think about that he’d have to hurl. No his mind was not thinking of such things, his mind was fogged over with this feeling, a feeling he couldn’t explain with a clear head. Let alone this dumbed up stupor he was in, the way kids get when they’ve had too much sugar and are starting to come down, only so much better than that. Nothing was better than the perfect curve of her neck, the sharpness of her clavicle, the softness of her skin; she was perfect wasn’t she? For so long he wondered what it would feel like to brush his fingers against her neck, to kiss her behind her ears; now that he was doing it he couldn’t figure out how he’d lived without it.

Her hands on his chest he felt her push him away, panic caused his heart to be faster; she’d changed her mind, he’d crossed a line. He’d ruined this as quickly as he started it, moving too fast; stupid. She breathed words into his ear, he almost missed them, without words he moved away from her as she stood. Please don’t say let’s play Mario Cart was the only thought that ran through his mind, if she did it meant that they were done with this little experiment. Then suddenly he started to come down from this high, he began to think what the hell am I doing he knew he needed to get out of here, he knew he was no good for her, the feelings he’d always had about them flooded his mind like a monsoon crashing around his cranial cavity. She’d come to her senses, as she should, he couldn’t say he wouldn’t want that. Standing before him she began to undress herself, in a moment the white tights that once covered her legs were next to her on the floor. He sat before her peering up at her, the light hit her golden hair setting it ablaze with fire, she threw her head band aside. Knowing what came next he closed his eyes for a moment, only to open them again as she pulled off her yellow dress.

This can’t be happening, he couldn’t take his eyes off of her as she approached him again, her lips touched his softly and he was stuck in the electricity again. Kissing her back was involuntary for him, he had no choice; as if their lips were made for each other’s fitting so perfectly in the crevices of their mouths. In that moment he was completely and utterly hers, not that he was anyone else’s before, but that was it wasn’t it for once there was nowhere he’d rather be than sitting in front of her. For as long as he could remember he was the boy with the heart like an empty room. Whoever came in would sit there alone in that empty space. This time though, he wanted to sit with Ruby. This wasn’t love he’d say, but maybe it was. With the way his heart kept skipping beats, he was either in love with his best friend or he had a serious heart condition that needed immediate attention. His hands found her legs and he pulled her on to his lap, he wanted her close to him again. If this were a movie, Emanuel's make tonight, would be playing in the background.

Relax, relax and let these taxes of your reflex act came to mind.

[ruby]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,305,true] Ruby was glad he didn’t compliment her. In books and T.V shows when the girl got into her underwear the boy would smile and call her beautiful or perfect or something like that. As sweet as that was, and as much as it appealed to her corny side, Ruby was glad. She wouldn’t have known how to take it. Her cheeks were already flushing deeply at the mere fact she was almost naked, and she has never been fantastic at taking complements. Especially ones about her appearance. Ruby didn’t have hugely negative thoughts about her looks, but she didn’t have a lot of positive thoughts either. She thought she was really just average, nothing special. While friends often complemented her, she merely assumed it was just friends being nice. Besides, you always saw your friends though slightly rose coloured glasses. Ruby knew she did. In fact, Bradley probably didn’t look half as good to others as he looked to her. Regardless of how he found her appearance though, she was glad he was keeping it to himself and saving Ruby from the awkward moment of having to work out how to react. Instead she could just focus on steadying her shaking hands. Her hands were still shaking, even as she stroked his cheeks gently and kissed him. She couldn’t stop them. Sure it was nerves, but there was something else to it. This was big. This was probably the biggest thing she had ever done in her life. Wow, that sounded really... sad actually. That the biggest thing in her life was having sex. Thing was though, it wasn’t just sex. It was an expression of her feelings for him. Putting them into words was something she wasn’t even sure she could do, but this seemed better. He couldn’t talk his way around this. If she told him she was in love with him he’d want to know why then talk his way around all her reasoning. He couldn’t talk himself out of this though. This was real. A real tangible act that was evidence that she thought he was worthy, that she wanted to share something special with him. He could try to pretend it was a mistake after, and part of her thought he was probably going to, but underneath all his bravado they both knew what a huge deal this was, and what it meant. The only thing she had to wonder now, was if it meant the same thing to him. Letting him pull her into his lap, Ruby leaned into him. Her bare flesh tingling. She could feel him. Even though his own clothes, she could feel his body, his warm- everything. It wasn’t helping her shaking hands. Which worried her a little. She didn’t want to think she was scared. Even if she was just a little. The fear was more along the lines of ‘what if it really hurts’- not ‘what if I really don’t want to do this’. She had made her decision and she was sure of it. Moving her trembling hands down, she danced her fingertips down his neck, feeling the shape of his collarbone on her way down. They continued down his arms, taking their time in their mission. Breaking their kiss, she offered him a warm smile before clutching at the hem of his shirt and tugging upwards. Taking every layer between her and his bare chest with her. His shirt received the same fate her dress had, and she lowered her his from his face. Biting the inside of her lip, she breathed in. Wow. It was as good as she had imagined. No, it was better. Biting down harder on her lip so she didn’t give him a corny compliment, she looked back up at his face. Suddenly a thought occurred to her and she let out a soft, tinkling laugh. “Uh... you have something right?” She murmured, blushing gently and raising an eyebrow. “I know this wasn’t exactly planned but I’m really not ready to be a mother..” God, she hadn’t even thought of that. She was hoping he’d live up to his lush reputation and had something, because God, she was not willing to end things now. Though she probably would. If he didn’t have protection she wasn’t exactly willing to risk all the things health education at school had taught her. Asking him was probably such a mood killer, but she thought it was prudent to ask before pants came off.

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[alex]

Why did this feel so much like he was playing with love? Like he was trying it out to see how it felt, course he couldn’t complain how it felt. How long would it stay like this though? How long until they were scratching, biting and hurting each other in any way they could, how long ‘til love turned to hate? It always did, right? Too many questions were flying through his head, he wanted to let go for once play fast and loose with his heart, with his life. For once he didn’t care if he got hurt, he just wanted Ruby. Then again he didn’t want to hurt her, but she wasn’t making it easy for him to stop all this, was she. No she was taking her clothes off and looking so perfect, like gold. Bradley never liked gold much, but if they made it like Ruby’s hair when it was hit by the sunlight he’d love it, he want to be surrounded by it all the time, but for now he was perfectly content with the real thing and the way it brushed his shoulders.

Feeling her shaking against his skin he was afraid that this was too much for her. She was terrified he thought to himself and maybe she should be. After all he had no idea where this was going. He could guess quite accurately, but knowing was another story, because some people did this, just roll around in their underwear and not actually do anything. But the way she was shaking told him she was either very afraid of being half naked in front of him or afraid of what happens next. Though Brad had done it many times he was still feeling a bit scared of what was likely were all this was leading them. He knew the first time wasn’t always pleasant for girls; he tended to try and avoid the girls who’d never done it before. Most would say that was too much responsibility for him, and maybe it was, he knew he didn’t want to be with most of the girls he’d been with for any longer than he wanted them for, but there was always that fear of hurting a girl that he didn’t like.

Brad never question whether he was good in bed, he was. He’d had plenty of practice and really never a complaint. The nerves he was feeling made him question if he’d still be up to par, the sheer fact that it was Ruby; he wasn’t going to be able to treat her like a piece of meat, he needed her to feel special. How did one do that? Fear was never something he knew well and yet at the same time they were best friends, but he never felt it like he did that that very moment. The boy know for the fluidity of his movement was now rigid and tense with fear, this wasn’t normal. The pressure wasn’t normally so great. Her skin alone felt different that anyone else’s, but how is that possible; everyone’s skin is made from the same things isn’t it? Ruby’s felt alien though, in the best way possible. Brad had touch her before, but never this intimately; could the intent change the way someone felt so drastically? Not to say that the many times he let his hand brush the side of her face as he pretended to push hair off her face didn’t feel special, but it felt physically different.

Touching her not having to pretend there was some other motivation other than the sheer fact he wanted to have his hands on her warm, soft skin. She tugged the bottom of his shirt up; he didn’t put any struggle in it for her, helping her along the way. Kissing her collarbone gently again feeling as if he were teasing her before eating her heart out of her chest. Murmuring something about protection he nodded her answer, wow did that make him sound like a deviant, did it make him sound like he expected something when he came over? Even saying it made him sound prepared made him feel a bit cheap; strangely enough and he didn’t want Ruby to think he was cheap. Even if he was. Her next comment made him pull away from her collar bone and look up at her with a strange look, his eye brow was raised slightly; it was as if he was asking her why she would say that, Brad didn’t want to be a daddy at the age of seventeen either. He nodded at her again letting his hands creep to her face pulling her into another kiss, biting her lip slightly. The thought had jolted the mood a bit, but he figured it was a question that she needed to ask. Which brought to mind one he needed to ask “are you sure about this?” he whispered in her ear, he knew what his answer was already not a chance, but Ruby’s was the only one that mattered.

[ruby]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,305,true] Ruby drew in a breath as she considered his features as he asked if she was sure. He wasn’t just saying that as part of the mating ritual. That was obvious to Ruby. His face was set seriously, like he needed to know. That was why she was so sure of this. Because she honestly believed he cared about her. She may have been naive in thinking that, or at least over-looking the fact that that he was probably going to freak out in the aftermath, but she wasn’t thinking of that now. Not when he looked so amazing and she was getting lost in his eyes and she couldn’t stop thinking about the way he tasted. Smiling at him, she nodded. “Yes, I’m sure.” That was all she needed to say. That was all that needed discussing. As far as she was concerned that sentence had put the last nail in her virginity’s coffin and there was no way they were turning back now. They had the safety aspect covered, and she was assuming he was sure of this. Maybe she should have asked him? She was being very forward in her actions. Then, it wasn’t like this was his first time, and he didn’t strike Ruby as the kind of guy that would be pressured into things. The rest of, well.. ‘it’ was kind of a blur for Ruby. They took their time to remove the rest of each other’s clothes, enjoying kissing various areas on each other and enjoying the new sensations as they came. Then without much discussion they decided it was time and Ruby had looked away and blushed as he and found the tin foil packet and slipped on the latex inside. It had hurt. She was expecting it might have. Not too badly though, and the discomfort didn’t last the whole time. It wasn’t as fantastic as she heard it could be, but Ruby guessed that sort of thing came with experience. It wasn’t at all unpleasant though, and considering it wasn’t anything like she’d ever felt, it didn’t really matter it hadn’t being a mind blowingly amazing sensation. Still though, she knew it was changing her world, even as it was happening. It wasn’t the sensations she thought she would probably remember though, it was the feelings, the emotions. Her heart was so full she thought it would probably burst, and it felt like it did just a little as their actions peeked. Now it was over, and Ruby was trying to put her heart back together and work out how she felt about it. For a little while she had just laid there, face nuzzled into Bradley’s shoulder, skin exposed, as her breathing returned to normal. Then she had felt goose pimples on her skin and had shifted so she could slip in under her covers. Giving Bradley the same option if he chose to take it. She snuggled into her covers. Enjoying the warm, soft sensation on her bare skin. She’d never slept naked before, and had never realised how soft her bedding was. Or maybe it was just all her senses were heightened because of what she had just done. Was that normal after your first time? Or was that a result of all the intense feelings she had for Bradley? She supposed she’d never know the answer to that one. It need not matter anyway, she felt what she felt and that was that. Now she had to deal with those feelings. Not that it was all together bad that her senses were heightened. She just had to wonder if it translated to other things. Like was she going to be more emotional? They should talk. Now that the pleasant after feeling was wearing off they should be talking about what it all meant. Working out how this changed their relationship. Only, Ruby wasn’t too sure she even know what to say. She knew how she felt about him, but she was scared of asking too much from him. She didn’t like to ask much of anyone to be honest. Asking Bradley to commit himself to her as a boyfriend would most definitely come under the heading of too much. She wanted him to be though. She wanted that special intimacy you only really got when you were dating someone. Sighing gently, she looked up at her ceiling. Trying to find words to say. None were coming though. She had always been a girl of little words, which never bothered her. However this time she wished she was a talker, so at least she could fill the silence. Or maybe you weren’t supposed to fill the silence? Maybe you were supposed to just, be.. God, now that it was over and they had started thinking again, her mind seemed to be working double-time to make up for what it had missed.

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[alex]

Her smile told him her answer before her words, but it was nice to hear them anyway. Now he was actually going to have to go through with this though. Shit. He’d never dealt with a virgin before, except for himself years ago, but it was a different story for boys. It wasn’t as… invasive. All that was running through his head was ‘we aren’t in Kansas anymore, we’re in a jacked up wonderland, one where I have no idea what to do’, but he wore a small smile on his face, he couldn’t let her know what he was thinking, he couldn’t let her know he wasn’t prepared for this, that he was scared out of his mind. This was it, this is what he’d wanted for so long. He’d waited for this, but he’d also spent most of his time fighting it, the responsibility of being a first. Not thinking is the only way he’d be able to go through with this, the only way he wouldn’t run, so he pushed his thoughts to the back of his head and let that beauty of his best friend wash over him. Letting the way the sun lit up her hair convince him he was worthy of her, to let her inviting face tell him yes.

It’s not that Brad spent hours laying in bed imagining what it would be like with Ruby, but it was different than he would’ve thought. A bit awkward, but part of that could have been the fact that he was terrified of hurting her. Though he tried not to show it, he wasn’t sure if Ruby felt that too. It was perfectly fine for him, but again he was a guy it’s always at least partially enjoyable at least. The first part was as lovely as it was before, her touch felt white hot and everything seemed to fit with them and it was grand. Nothing had ever been better. The rest seemed as if it weren’t real, as if he wasn’t even there. Maybe he knew in the back of his head it wasn’t special, maybe because deep down he’d already resided himself to never seeing her again. They needed Mario Cart, they needed to play until it wasn’t awkward anymore, but that wasn’t going to happen, they’d never be friends again. It was all or nothing, he’d have to try it, try and be good, try and love like he’d never known before, anything less was unfair to her.

When it was all over he buried his head in her shoulder, he wasn’t sure he could look at her yet. She’d just given him something that meant the world to her and yes it was special to him. Bradley knew that Ruby cared for him or else she never would have let him have her in that way. It was special, but the moment it was over it was as if he crashed back down to earth… hard. Now he was mentally bruised and battered, he’d taken something that didn’t belong to him. Suddenly that foggy floaty feeling went away and he felt clear headed as if he’d come out of a spell and all he felt was that he’d violated her. He shouldn’t have been the guy, he shouldn’t have stopped thinking. You have a brain to keep you out of situations like this. To keep you from ruining the one good, pure person in your life. Feeling her shift under her covers, he did the same, but stayed parted from her on his side of the bed, trying to think of a way to gracefully leave.

It’s not that he wanted to leave her like this, it’s not that he didn’t love the idea of being able to be with her all the time. The simple fact was he felt compelled to leave; if he stayed, well he knew who he was and he wasn’t a relationship type of guy. He was scum. His eyes wandered to the clock and he breathed “shit, Ruby I’ve… I gotta go, my mum wants to have dinner with me” he rolled his eyes “she’s trying to be… a mum” he laughed lightly “I’m really sorry I don’t want to just leave like this” it exactly what he wanted to do, he wanted to leave so badly which was why he was coming up with a bullshit story about his mother being motherly for once. He was lying to her and he hoped that she couldn’t see it. He began to dress himself again “but how about after dinner I come back here and we can talk about where we are now” he needed to give her something, tell her something so she wouldn’t panic he walked around the bed and kissed her on the forehead “I’ll be back I promise” he lied, before walking out the door he stopped to look at her. A smile painted on his face before he disappeared behind the door frame.

With no intention of keeping his promise he ran like he always did, for the first time though he felt as if he were being stabbed in the gut; he left breaking both their hearts.

[ruby]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,305,true] It was a bad sign that he kept his body separate from hers. Ruby could feel it. Sex was supposed to draw people together, not set them apart. Then, when did things ever do what they promised to do? As far as Ruby could tell, sex tended to create more problems than it solved. She had been naive to think it would forge a tighter bond between herself and Bradley. That truth was starting to dawn on her now. Closing her eyes, she squeezed them tightly for a moment. Trying to push the negative thoughts from her mind. After all, he was still there. He hadn’t gotten up to make a quick exit. Maybe he just wasn’t a huge hugger? Or perhaps he just needed to get his mind together. Yeah, that was it. They both really needed to sort things out inside their own heads. It was good that they had some space to do that. Being physically close to Bradley tended to cloud her mind of rational thinking, and she needed to be rational. Ruby was not, by nature, irrational. Rational thought was a friend that hadn’t let her down when she’d taken its advice. Things seemed to fall apart if she ignored it though. Like right now. Ruby felt her heart fall from her chest, dangling in her stomach, as he muttered something about needing to go home. She knew it wasn’t true. She knew Bradley well enough to know he didn’t pay much attention to anything his mother said- let alone skip on home because she wanted to have dinner with him. He was looking for an easy out. And Ruby was going to give it to him. She always did. Breathing in deeply, she pushed back the tears in her eyes. Pulling a small smile to her lips, she sat up. Clutching the blankets to her chest so she remained covered. The blonde watched him for a few moments as he collected his clothes. “... It’s fine.” She managed to say at last, her voice very soft. She really had no choice, even if it wasn’t fine she knew he was going to go. He always did. He always fled when it felt like she was starting to chip away at his walls and connect deeper with him. He always left when it got too hard, or too complicated- with everyone in his life. Ruby, his mother, it didn’t matter who. He was aces at running away instead of standing and fighting for something that should have mattered to him. Then there it was. The shred of hope he always left her with. Again, deep down she knew that he was probably lying, that she wasn’t going to see him again tonight. That she wasn’t going to see him for a long time. She’d give him the benefit of the doubt though. She always did. She’d wait for him, then call him before she went to bed and tell him not to come, so they could both pretend that he was actually going to, and that it had been her to say no. That way they could go on not dealing with the ugly truth of the matter, which suited them both. She nodded, offering him another small smile. “Sure, we’ll talk.” She agreed, watching as he pulled on his last bit of clothing. Closing her eyes, she took in a deep breath as he kissed her forehead. Time seemed to slow a little as she sat there. Hating the feeling that this could be the last time he touched her, ever. Or at least in a long time. When he pulled back, and headed to her bedroom door, Ruby struggled to keep her tears at bay. She gave him a small wave before he left. Taking her heart with him. Watching the door close, Ruby just stopped trying and let the tears flow down her cheek. “Please don’t make me regret tonight..” She whispered softly at the closed door. “Please..”

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