( eliza ) stand tall,

[mimiriter]

While out, Mimi had the tendency to forget that she didn’t even weigh one hundred pounds.

She was, after all, only four foot eight- but of course, that had the habit of slipping her mind when out at a restaurant. She was used to having wine, but she had a handle on it when in the comfort of her apartment. Perhaps it was the fact that she was alone, so being drunk or tipsy didn’t matter much, or perhaps she just didn’t drink it quite so fast, but she always got out of hand whenever she went to a restaurant or something. She never meant to. She merely had a habit of getting into the discussion, and she just forgot to… Well, stop drinking.

This was, unfortunately, another one of those nights. Eliza was one of the few females Mimi really enjoyed the company of- she didn’t enjoy the pettiness of a lot of the female species, so at the first sign of bullshit, she preferred to turn the other way. This woman, however, was someone that Mimi could deal with, and she milked that. The dinner was a welcome distraction from all of the things going on in her life, and although the food had long since been cleared, the wine kept coming, and for some reason she was the only one drinking it.

Not that she was complaining.

Mimi prided herself in being someone who could maintain a relatively calm lifestyle. She rarely formed emotional attachments to people and that ensured that she didn’t have to worry about much of anything other than the usual responsibilities of being an adult. This thing with Marco, however, had just come right in and shook things up. It was worse, she supposed, that she didn’t have anyone who knew about the affair- she was a woman who talked about everything and keeping secrets about her own life was not her forte. She was itching to spill, and the more alcohol that tainted her bloodstream, the less of a shit she gave.

Why did he have to come back? Missing him had been manageable when she didn’t have to see him more than during the school day. It had been something she could deal with when they had just been having sex. But that visit- fuck. What was that? She should have just kicked him out. Then none of this would have happened. He probably didn’t even remember it happened in the first place, considering he had been pretty out of it. It pissed her off. Alcohol made her even more bitter. It was not the healthiest of combinations.

Shaking her head, she brought the wine glass to her lips and took yet another sip, hiccupping as she set it back down onto the table. ”You know what’s funny?” she began on a random train of thought, tilting her head back for a second, ”How I can be soooo pissed at someone for doing something wrong when I am doing something wrong, too, by letting them do that something.” Mimi shook her head, as though something were ridiculous- she wasn’t really making all that much sense. ”You know what I mean? I’m just so irritated. But I shouldn’t be. Damn.”

[ELIZA JOY LIEBERMAN]

Eliza frowned intensely at her diet coke as she gave her straw a stir. While she did have an unhealthy love for diet coke, there were times when it just wasn’t satisfying. Right now was one of them. With every sip Mimi took, Eliza found herself growing more and more bitter. She wasn’t much of a wine drinker herself. But even the option of having a glass right then seemed like a nice thing. Oh, or a Vodka Sunrise. A sulk tugged at her lips as she brought her boring old diet coke to her lips, taking a long drink. How many of these had she ordered now? Eliza wasn’t all that sure, though she had a sinking suspicion that her drink bill would be more expensive then her food will. Maybe it was because she kept downing the diet coke and expecting it to have some sort of affect on her, only to be sorely disappointed when it didn’t. It just wasn’t fair that Mimi was having all the fun.

Happy, Jelly? You’re ruining my fun, she chastised her stomach silently. The child was going to have to get used to these sorts of things. It wasn’t that she was completely serious- it was just a part of who Eliza was. She could be hugely sarcastic, and when she was unhappy about something, it showed through in bitter jokes. Any child of Eliza’s would have to learn that she wasn’t serious when she told someone that their face smelt like dog-food. It was going to have her DNA though right? So chances were it would come out with the same sort of sense of humour. Man she hoped so. Well, if it wasn’t born that way, it would surely end up that way with influences like Eliza and Ellis. The woman smiled at the thought of her best friend. He was going to be so amazing with this little baby, Eliza knew it. Just like he was so good to Eliza. At least she knew her child would have one good father figure.

Pushing her own thoughts away, Eliza decided it was time to actually be a good friend and focus on what Mimi was talking about. Mimi worked with Ellis, and had she been some perfect hot thing that battered her lashes and made silly little remarks, Eliza probably would have despised her. For some reason she wasn’t willing to share (in other words her really bad self esteem) she found women like that really threatening. Especially when her best friend was involved. The brunette knew she really had no right to be, but she was fiercely protective over her best friend, and liked to think her opinion mattered when it came to the women in his life. She knew that wasn’t exactly the case though. Since she had hated his ex and yet he still dated the woman for far too long in Eliza’s opinion. Pfft, whatever. Point was, she actually enjoyed Mimi’s company.

Smirking to herself, she tilted her head to the side as a some-what drunk Mimi started a mini rant. Fiddling with her straw as she waited for the woman to stop talking. She would have butted in by now if it was Ellis, but for Mimi- she’d at least allow her to finish. Even if what she was saying was little more than ramble. As Mimi finished, Eliza rolled her eyes. “I am always upset at people when it’s probably my fault anyway. So you’re not alone there..” She gave a slight laugh, before narrowing her eyes. “So, spill. This is all about a guy, yes?” It was fairly obvious to Eliza that it was. Probably because if it was her, that’s what it would be about. Some guy she was just letting treat her badly without standing up for herself or something. That was her speciality. That or just running away.

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[mimiriter]

Even in Mimi’s rather intoxicated state, she made a mental note to inquire as to Eliza’s sobriety whenever she was in a better state. Her attention span was hardly something to be admired when she had alcohol in her, and therefore she was much less persistent, as she often had to be when she wanted to know something. She was nosy as hell- there was no point in denying that. She was nosy and she had to work to get things out of people. She probably should learn to tone it down, especially because it’s started to spill into her relationship with her students. It was simple. If she overheard them gossiping, she wanted to know just who they were talking about. She had earned herself a ‘cool’ status with a lot of the students for that. She tried to avoid speaking ill of everyone but she was certainly willing to listen. Some students even confided in her enough to ask for her advice. Hell, she was the teacher who taught dirty words in French to her students who said it in English in her class. They were going to say them anyways- why not in a foreign language? Her habits were something the school board would highly frown upon if they ever found out, but for her purposes? They were working pretty damn well.

Letting out an over-dramatic exhale at Eliza’s inquiry as to whether or not it was a guy. ”Isn’t it always about the male gender? Men and fucking tall women. Damn it. Why is everyone so damn tall? Fuckers, stunt your damn growth. Be a little considerate.” mumbled Mimi as she took yet another sip of wine before finally setting the glass down. ”It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, y’know? I mean, I was just flirting but I flirt with everyone! You know that. I mean, I’m kind of a whore! You know I am. I sometimes wonder if it’s ‘cause I slapped his ass but like, I don’t know why that would’ve done it, ‘cause like… I slap everyone’s ass. I even slap your ass! I’ve done that, haven’t I? If I haven’t, I probably will. I just do it, it doesn’t mean I wanna sleep with everyone but of course I had to sleep with him.” Obviously distressed by this, she ran her fingers through her hair and shook her head defiantly. She was always the type to talk a lot, but she seemed to even have less of a filter when drunk. Christ. This wasn’t something anyone should know, let alone Eliza- best friend to Marco’s best friend. But didn’t Ellis know? She was pretty sure Ellis know. So did Eliza know?

Well, she was certainly on her way to finding out.

”It’s so bad,” Mimi groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose for a second before slamming her hand down on the table. ”And then it was just sex! It was s’posed to just be sex. I’m the queen of emotionless sex. Seriously, if there’s a champ for someone who puts the least amount of emotion into sexual shit, it would be me. I pride myself in that because I’m never sad but oh my God, I’m really sad now.” Shaking her head, her attention steered off in another direction. ”But y’know I haven’t had sex in like… Like two months. Oh my God, it’s been two months. Eliza, Eliza.” She paused, stretching her arm across the table. ”We hafta find someone for me to go home with tonight because it’s been two months. I can’t let my emotions catch up to me now, no! Unless you wanna sleep with me but I don’t think you do which is silly because the legs I do have are fucking awesome but if you’re not gonna sleep with me then someone has to. This is ridiculous.”

Someone should probably have taken the wine from her awhile ago.

[ELIZA JOY LIEBERMAN]

It was a good thing that Eliza was sober, or she may have lost interest in Mimi. My god that woman could talk. She supposed it was something she had always known, like a basic fact, you know. That person liked egg, this person wore a lot of yellow. Little facts you know but doesn’t really require much thought process. She’d always known that Mimi was talkative, but as she sat there with her less than impressive diet coke, the realization had hit Eliza with a punch. Considering the other woman was less than sober, it was rambling too. Which was why Eliza had to work to keep up. Had she been drunk, or at even tipsy, the woman would have given up and probably not even pretended to listen. And maybe that didn’t make Eliza a good friend, but it wasn’t her fault that alcohol made her attention span significantly shorter. Besides which, wasn’t it worse when you only pretended to listen? At least she was honest..

Raising an eyebrow, Eliza did her best not to laugh at the bitter rantings about tall people. While she wasn’t a giant, Eliza was definitely taller than her dinner partner. Did the rant apply to her? Or just those abnormally superp-modely tall girls. If so, Eliza agreed whole-heartedly. Screw any skinny tall bitch who walked around like it was their job to make everyone else feel completely inferior. Eliza had never really thought of herself as conventionally pretty (or pretty at all some days to be honest), and she’d always felt rather threatened by really attractive women. Of course she could get over her insecurities if they proved to be worth while friends (point and case in Mimi). Still though, Eliza would always feel like the awkward quirky girl with the Jewish nose next to some women. Which reminded her of how she had felt in high school. Which wasn’t something she liked to think about much. Nor that her high school experience was terrible, she just felt inferior next to a lot of the girls.

Trying to push away her own thoughts in order to follow the thread of the (one sided) conversation, Eliza picked up her drink. Alternating between taking a sip and stirring with her straw. Ah, now they were getting to the juicy stuff. So it was about sex with some guy. Eliza raised an eyebrow, waiting for more details on who the guy was and what exactly the situation was. However that information never came. Which depressed Eliza. Her own love life was pretty shit, and she was hoping to live vicariously through Mimi for an hour or so. What was wrong with that? Nothing, as far as Eliza was concerned. Especially since she was convinced the shorter woman had a much more interesting love life. Then, Eliza had never been the type to put herself out there all the time. Blame that on her insecurities, or the fact that she was far too comfortable dragging Ellis to things that normally required dates.

Eliza rolled her eyes. She could definitely sympathies with the whole dry spell issue. She hadn’t been with anyone since she’d broken it off with her ex, and didn’t really see it happening any time soon since soon she was going to be huge and no one was going to find her attractive. Was sex even safe for the baby? Eh, Eliza had never really thought to ask her doctor. Maybe she should..Just in-case. Smirking, she raised an eyebrow. “So what I’m getting from this,” she started. “Is that you secretly think I’m hot and want to get with me.” Well, at least Eliza wouldn’t have to worry about the baby with a woman right? Pausing, she turned a little more serious. “Did you want to actually give me some details on why you are sad, or just seduce me?”

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[mimiriter]

At this point, Mimi was fairly certain that she had definitely overstepped some boundaries with what she was saying. What would happen if she flat out told Eliza about Marco? She didn’t think her friend would ever actually tell. It was more of a matter of how she’d be thought of. She wasn’t necessarily a completely innocent person in the situation, even if she wasn’t the married one. She knew about it and persisted anyways. She had almost been encouraging infidenlity. She couldn’t have that! It was a dreadful thing to encourage. After being cheated on in the past, well- she knew first hand that it wasn’t a good experience. So that made her a hypocrite, right? That was also a horrible thing to be. Oh God. She was far too intoxicated for this shit. Eliza wouldn’t tell, would she? Mimi didn’t want to keep this a secret anymore. Confess your sins, and you shall be forgiven, or some shit like that, yes? No? Whatever. This was fucking ridiculous.

What if Marco found out that she told someone? Shouldn’t she be able to talk to someone about it? He’d told Ellis, right? Mimi was pretty sure he had. So fuck it. She was having a lot of trouble with this so she was going to talk about it. To hell with it all. She wasn’t good with emotion and she needed someone to help put it all into perspective for her, like Eliza. Eliza was good with emotions, right?

Better than she was.

Deep breath.

”That probably-“ A hiccup. ”Wasn’t all you should’ve gotten out of that, but like… I mean, if you wanted, we could totally do it. Like, I’m a pretty heterosexual person, but let’s face it. I’m not really all that picky. Actually, I’m not picky at all. Sexually frustrated? Give me a call. You’re a beautiful woman, I could dig it. But like, okay. Lemme tell you why I’m sad.”

To include names, or not to include names? Alcohol decided to go for the latter.

”So like. Marco De Luca. You know him, right? ‘Course you do. He’s tall and pretty and cocky as hell? Well, I slept with him. A lot.” Snorting, Mimi leaned back and took another sip of her drink, waving her hand around like there was a fly in front of her face that she was trying to shoo off. ”It’s horrible! But he came onto me and like, I couldn’t bring myself to stop and I mean, like. He ended things and I realized I had legit feelings for the asshole. Feelings! I don’t do feelings.” Groaning, she pressed the heel of her hand to her temple, furrowing her brow. ”And then like, he came over drunk last night, right? And we cuddled. That’s all we fucking did. Cuddled. What is with this shit? This is shitty shit.” That wasn’t so bad.

[ELIZA JOY LIEBERMAN]

Eliza raised an eyebrow. Mimi was drunk, that wasn’t being debated on. She was drunk, and normally Eliza had a rule: Don’t be taken in by compliments from drunk people. Eliza had found that most guys that sprouted sweet nothings to you at a bar were generally just wanting in your panties and hardly ever meant anything they were saying to you. Perhaps that was her cynical side showing through, or the fact she often disbelieved compliments anyway. Whatever though, that was her rule and (for the most part) she had stuck to it. Tonight though, she actually believed Mimi when she said that she found Eliza attractive. Maybe it was because she didn’t think Mimi was just after a quickie and maybe because as the months rolled by, Eliza got more and more frustrated and felt like a fat frump. Whatever the reason, she actually smiled and flushed a little at the compliment.

Truth be told, she even considered the offer. Eliza hadn’t been with anyone since finding out she was pregnant- not even Ellis. Which had to be some kind of a record or something because usually when neither of them were in relationships, they fell into old habits with each other out of loneliness and need. Truth was though, Eliza’s drive had been down with all the baby drama. Which was odd since she’d actually read somewhere that it should be up. Maybe that only applied if you were happy with the baby daddy. Which Eliza was not. Story of her life though right? Getting the bum end of the relationship deal. It was a tempting offer, but aside from Ellis, Eliza had never been good at the whole casual thing. Maybe it was different with Ellis because she actually cared very deeply for him? Even if she was sure it wasn’t romantic love, it meant something right? Whatever.

Anyway, it wasn’t the time to think about lesbian affairs, because Mimi was actually starting to talk about the nitty gritty and it was important to focus. Nodding, Eliza indicated that he did indeed know Marco. She didn’t really need the description, since Ellis had a brocrush on the guy and talked about him constantly, but whatever, she let Mimi talk. However, the more the shorter woman talked, the more Eliza wished she wouldn’t. God. She was way too sober for this discussion. Letting out a low whistle, Eliza took a swig of her diet coke. Where to even start with this one? It was definitely a delicate situation. If it was just some guy, Eliza would probably suggest Mimi confront the guy and demand he shape up (not that she ever followed that advice but you know..). That didn’t apply to this situation though. Suggesting that Mimi demand the guy leave his wife (and kid) was.. well, complicated.

She didn’t envy Mimi at all. It was a pretty lousy situation. “No wonder you are drowning your sorrows in a few bottles of wine..” She said gently. Still trying to work out the best advice she could give her friend. “First, Marco is kind of an ass for even going there.. but.. God. Feelings? Really? That’s tough, hon. There isn’t a cure for feelings. Unless you go cold turkey and just stop seeing him. But since you work with the guy.. And I mean, even if you didn’t, sometimes it’s impossible to just quit a guy... So, how deep are these feelings anyway? Is it love? Love screws most thing up..” While she didn’t necessarily believe in that, now was not the time for the other fish in the sea talk, it was the time for woman empowerment men as jerks talk.

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[mimiriter]

Mimi didn’t want to ask Marco to leave his wife. She would never ask that of him. Sure, she was already a pretty bad person to begin with because she had slept with him, but she wasn’t about to confront him and ask him. She still wasn’t sure what he was feeling about the entire situation, and she doubted it was safe to ask him. It wasn’t really safe to talk to him at this point, even. He had ended things straight out with her which made her believe that he didn’t really care, and that he really had just been searching for sex. And as upsetting as being used was, that was what she had figured all along and she didn’t really believe it would be any different. But the fact that he’d come to her last night had to mean something, right? If he missed her just for the sex, they would have had sex. But no. If Marco was going to leave his family, for her, then he was going to do it on his own accord. There would be no pressure on her end. That could only end badly- either he would get really angry at her for suggesting it, or he would and then things between the two of them would… Shatter. But they weren’t even together anymore, so what did it matter? God, she was just so… So confused.

Of course, she had those hopes, deep down, that he would leave his wife to be with her. Mimi wasn’t the type of person to dwell on situations that seemed improbable, but she also wasn’t the kind of girl to fall for a married guy. So on a few occasions, she had let her imagination run wild. It was… Well, a nice thought, to think of him showing up at her door telling her how completely in love with her he was, asking for her forgiveness and informing her that he was officially moved out of his house. It was… Well. Just wanting him to leave his family for her made her feel like a horrible person. There was no way she would ever actually ask him to do it. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t.

With a frustrated grunt, Mimi shook her head. ”I drink wine all the time anyways,” she mumbled- and it was the complete truth. She didn’t often get intoxicated but she truly did enjoy wine. ”I just have an excuse now. Which I guess is somethin’, right? Right. Yeah.” Hiccupping, she took another sip of alcohol. ”I haven’t… We haven’t done anything in two months. Or something like that. He… He broke it off and I think his wife’s pregnant again. Heard it around the office. Avoiding him… Not that hard, I just… I only go to the lounge to use the copier and get coffee and I only have to see him once or twice, in passing, a day. That’s it. We don’t… Don’t talk, or anything. But then last night, I… I was sleeping and he was drunk and he called me and asked to come over and I made him food. And then he saw I was cold so he just… Held me. He held me for a really long time.”

There was that word. Love. Just the thought of it made Mimi’s nose crinkle and she ran her fingers through her hair. That was one thing she hadn’t really sorted out yet. Not because she didn’t know, but because she didn’t want to know. Being in denial of the extent of her feelings just seemed safest at the moment. ”I don’t want to love him,” she replied instead, skirting around the actual question. ”I wish… I just wish that when I think about him, I’d think about the flirty winks he’d throw at me in passing, or how I’d always stare at his ass while he went looking for his clothes before having to go home, or how creative we’d get with locations in my apartment. But… Instead, I can just think about the times when he’d have a few minutes and we’d just lay in bed and talk, and his smile, and… And his arms. And I wanna think about the bad, like when he’d lose his temper, but I always just think about those times where he made me forget that what we had wasn’t real.” Frowning, Mimi shifted slightly in her seat, lowering her gaze down to the table. She wished she knew what to do.

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[ELIZA JOY LIEBERMAN]

Pregnant. Eliza bit the inside of her cheek, shifting in her chair a little. The brunette always felt sort of awkward and self conscious whenever the topic of pregnancy or babies came up. Like people would be able to tell just by looking at her, or that the longer they talked about it she’d slip up and mention her own first trimester experiences, or that she’d say something from one of the books she had been reading. Blowing her cover entirely. Eliza knew what a town like Capeside was like, and telling one person was risking starting a gossip chain that could not be stopped. It was really important that the father of her child didn’t find out she was pregnant from anyone but her and well.. She was just not ready to tell him yet. She might not be ready for a while, but that was beside the point.

Thankfully for Eliza, Mimi seemed far too engrossed in what she was saying to notice Eliza’s reactions. Just to be sure though, Eliza moved her hands down to her stomach. Smoothing out her dress to make sure she didn’t have a visible baby bump. Honestly though, it would be a matter of time before that happened and she could no longer hide things. Until then though, she was content to keep her little secret. With a sigh, she looked down at her drink. Jabbing her straw at an ice-cube as she listened to Mimi talk.. and talk, and talk. It was a lot to take in and try and form a response to all at once, but she couldn’t exactly judge the woman, considering the fact that when Eliza was worked up about something she could talk just as much. If not more. In fact, she was certain that half the time Ellis wanted to shove a dirty sock in her mouth.

“She is. Pregnant I mean.” Eliza confirmed blandly as she kept jabbing at ice-cubes. Letting out a low sigh, she looked up to offer the other woman an empathetic smile. She was in a horrible position and Eliza really felt for her. Thing was, she wasn’t sure what to say to help. She could tell Mimi to just run, but she knew that wasn’t exactly as easy as it sounds, and running from feelings might not have been all that healthy anyway. “It sounds like he’s just as confused as you..” She said with a sad smile. “I know that’s not really much of a consolation.. But ringing you drunk just for a cuddle doesn’t seem like the actions of a man who knows what he wants.” Looking at Mimi for a moment, she raised an eyebrow. “I think you should talk to him. It might be easier to work out how you feel if you try and gauge where his head is at..”

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[mimiriter]

Mimi almost felt like the confirmation of Mrs. De Luca’s pregnancy should have been the point where she needed to… Man up. It didn’t matter what her feelings were- or his feelings- when there was another child being thrown into the mix, right? It didn’t matter how many times she lay awake at night, hoping she’d hear the buzzer in her apartment go off. He had another kid on the way and he wasn’t going to leave his wife because of that. Mimi could try and appeal to his sexual nature all she wanted and try to get him to fall for her but she’d be wasting her time. He was going to have another kid. Christ. What was she doing? She was just… Torturing herself, wanting a man she was never going to actually get. Him showing up was just a minor setback. She’d get through it, and find more men to just have sex with, and go back to her usual lifestyle that involved ignoring him as best as she possibly could and going about her daily life.

At least she was seemingly handling this better than she usually did. Previously, whenever a guy broke her heart, she’d just… Make some big change in her life. With Noah, it had been with her career. With Gabriel, it had been… Well, career AND location. It’s what put her in Capeside to begin with. And while she missed New York deeply, she didn’t really want to have a reason to run just yet. Marco was just supposed to be sex. Maybe if she kept telling herself that, she’d get over him, and she wouldn’t keep feeling this way.

But man, did she miss him.

Resting her elbow on the table and her head in her hand, Mimi regarded Eliza with a defeated look in her eyes. She didn’t often let herself look ‘defeated’. ”I don’t even know if he remembers it,” she sighed, lowering her gaze to the glass of wine sitting in front of her, suddenly finding she didn’t really want anymore, ”I’m afraid I’ll go up to him and say something and he’ll just… Not remember. And then I’ll realize I’m the only one who feels anything and then… I’ll get sad again.” Scrunching her nose up, she straightened herself and ran her finger along the rim of her glass. ”What if he doesn’t talk to me? Or doesn’t want to talk to me? When he ended things, he ended… Everything. Like, even just being friends, which we were before having sex. And… I’m scared.” Groaning, Mimi pushed the glass of wine away from her and crossed her arms, suddenly a bit irritated with the whole situation.

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