out on your corner in the pouring rain -- joel

[mel4]

TO: [e-mail]
FROM: [e-mail]
SUBJECT: she will be loved

i resent that! i do very well in school, as a matter of fact.
the fact that you've only known people who would take advantage of you in that way just... i don't know. bothers me. i'm no saint-- i'm normal. this is how a normal, civil person should treat other people. i hate that that kind of treatment-- that respect-- is rare for you. you deserve it.

it is a beautiful song. it's also very sad. something on your mind?
but before you say anything, listen to this song. i listen to it after having a rough day, or, or... i don't know. just whenever i feel like crap. i think it's safe if i pass it on to you, beeautiful.

[BLAIR LYDIA ALDERIDGE]

TO: [e-mail]
FROM: [e-mail]
SUBJECT: she will be loved.

whatever, you know. it's fine. mostly it doesn't bother me because i'll just shut them down if i'm not in the mood. you're sweet for caring so much though.

.... god. that song... is making me cry. thank you. i needed that today.

you never told me how you were, though?

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[mel4]

TO: [e-mail]
FROM: [e-mail]
SUBJECT: she will be loved

the mood? i mean, i guess that makes sense, but... i guess i just don't see the point in giving people like that the time of day. it's not really my place, but... well... it just sounds a little jaded when you talk like that. like people are dispensable or something. anyone is as good as the other, depending on your mood.
i guess what i really want to ask is wouldn't you rather find one person who made you feel "in the mood", or happy or whatever, all the time? why waste your time with some of those bozos?

i was hoping you would. i'm a big fan of his, and that song always helps me get back on my feet whenever i feel defeated. i'm glad it could do the same for you, bee.

ah, yeah, i was hoping i could weasel my way out of that one... guess not, though.
you know me, though. not much to report. the girl i love doesn't know my name. grandpa's getting sicker every day. my chemistry teacher has a really annoying voice. nothing you haven't heard before, bee.
i think about it this way-- you're a bee. you're always moving, active, energetic. you've always got something going on.
me? i'm, well, a thinker. stone, quiet and solitary. never much more on my mind than verses, or, you know, her face.

[BLAIR LYDIA ALDERIDGE]

TO: [e-mail]
FROM: [e-mail]
SUBJECT: she will be loved.

maybe am jaded? ever thought of that? ... I dunno KT. you're right, i should be looking for someone who makes me happy and that stuff but i dunno. anything i say will make you think i'm twisted and cynical or something. it's just, real life doesn't have knights on white horses, you know?

.. God. Why do you do that? let me crap on about useless shit when you're actually dealing with something real. i wish i could just hug you right now, and make you watch trashy reality tv with me, because it will make you laugh and take your mind off thing. i'm so sorry about your grandpa. i wish i could make it better.

and for the record, that girl is an idiot. you're amazing. if i knew who she was i'd hit her for being such an daft bitch.

.. that's actually a pretty good analogy, but you know what.. it's not always so good to be constantly moving. not all that energy is good. sometimes i wish i could just stop or at least slow down...

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[mel4]

TO: [e-mail]
FROM: [e-mail]
SUBJECT: she will be loved

you're not jaded. and you could tell me anything, and i would still think you are the brightest spot of light this dark world has ever had the privilege knowing. twisted? cynical? you might have a few moments but you're not either of those, bee. i know you, and you're not.
that's true, there aren't any of those left around here... but there are handsome guys with shiny white cars.

it's nothing new, bee. besides, talking to you is all i need to make me feel better. if i really need to talk about it, i know i can go to you. grampa is sick. just like he has been for a long time. so don;t worry yourself-- just having you here, talking to me, is plenty enough for me.

haha, i wonder what you'd say if i told her who she was... probably tell me i should start looking for new prospects. and then i would agree sadly, and spend the rest of my high school career mourning over what could never be.
...on second thought, that information is just going to stay private, methinks.

and sometimes sitting still can be the worst. never changing, never growing. i wish we could divvy it up, 50/50. i get some confidence and you get some solitude. wouldn't be half bad, huh?

[BLAIR LYDIA ALDERIDGE]

TO: [e-mail]
FROM: [e-mail]
SUBJECT: she will be loved.

hahaha! I'll look for a guy with a white car then, shall i? :P

also, i don't need to know who this girl is, i already know she can't be worth it if she doesn't know who you are. because you're actually a really amazing person.

we should just like, become one super awesome person... that or date. seriously, i'd get you moving and you'd keep me grounded. we'd be the perfect couple <3

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[mel4]

TO: [e-mail]
FROM: [e-mail]
SUBJECT: she will be loved

a nice white car. who has a nice driver.
basically, don't follow any guys into any big, windowless vans, okay? good girl.

she's worth it. you'd agree if you saw her the way i do.

well, i mean... wait, you're joking, right? not that dating you would be a joke, i just think you and i... i mean, internet dating is a bit weird, don't you think? like... i couldn't actually kiss you or anything and i feel really awkward typing this so i'm going to stop.
read any good book lately? i finally sat down with some jane austen. ah, good stuff... uh...

[BLAIR LYDIA ALDERIDGE]

TO: [e-mail]
FROM: [e-mail]
SUBJECT: she will be loved.

got it. no white vans.

yes. no. i don't know... i just, you'd treat me right, and you're sweet... in another life time where we actually know each other... you know?

why do you always change the subject?

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[mel4]

TO: [e-mail]
FROM: [e-mail]
SUBJECT: she will be loved

don't forget about guys with bling, or guys who sag... uh... anyone who can't tell you what language they speak in brazil and... um... anyone who does illegal substances.
and he has to be nice.
those are the kidthinker requirements.

like i said bee, i'm no better than the average good guy. you just haven't met enough of them to see that yet.

i guess i get... i don't know. uncomfortable? i mean, you're kind of direct and i just kind of freeze up, so... i guess i can't help it... sorry.

[BLAIR LYDIA ALDERIDGE]

TO: [e-mail]
FROM: [e-mail]
SUBJECT: she will be loved.

Oh...

Want me to just not talk about that stuff then?

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[mel4]

TO: [e-mail]
FROM: [e-mail]
SUBJECT: she will be loved

well... bee, i'm here for you. not for anyone else, including me. if you want to talk about that, if it makes you happy, i can endure it.
heck, it might actually teach me a thing or two about girls. god knows i need a tip or two to get you-know-who's attention.

[BLAIR LYDIA ALDERIDGE]

TO: [e-mail]
FROM: [e-mail]
SUBJECT: she will be loved.

endure it??? i don't want to be like, some chore...

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[mel4]

TO: [e-mail]
FROM: [e-mail]
SUBJECT: she will be loved

no! shootshootshoot. that's not what i meant, bee. you know you're not a chore to me. you're like... the greatest thing ever.
i don't really know how to do this stuff, bee. that's why i get nervous, you know? it's not that i, uh... wouldn't like to... i'm just... bad at it. i'm embarrassed of myself more than anything else.

[BLAIR LYDIA ALDERIDGE]

TO: [e-mail]
FROM: [e-mail]
SUBJECT: she will be loved.

calm down.
i don't care if you're not good at things or whatever.
i'm not going to judge you.. i promise
no need to be nervous.

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[mel4]

TO: [e-mail]
FROM: [e-mail]
SUBJECT: she will be loved

thank you, bee.
i think we've been at it long enough... i'm thinking i'm going to do some homework then hit the hay.
night, beeautiful.