( matthew ) tonight will be the night,

[daniellacade]

It had taken a lot of time for Daniella to buck up the courage to go visit Emily.

She hadn’t done so since about a month after the child’s death. She felt as though that made her a bad mother- if she could even call herself a mother. She probably couldn’t. But even so, in the back of her mind, that’s what she labeled herself. After all, she had carried around that baby for nine full months. Her diet changed, her lifestyle, all to accommodate the embryo growing inside of her. Things were purchased, decisions were made, tears were shed. It was things like that that made her feel like she was a mother… No matter how everything had turned out.

There hadn’t been a funeral service, but the couple had saved enough money up to buy a small grave plot in the local cemetery to bury their daughter. Dani had visited a few times up until the day she left Capeside, and then never looked back. Now that she was back, though… Well, she couldn’t stay away. She had managed to avoid every other place that could have brought up bad memories for her, but this was one thing she couldn’t do.

The cemetery was chilly and quiet that morning, but she had a busy day and wanted to get an early start- who knew how long she’d be there? As strong as she tried to be, in all honesty, there was a fair chance she’d be there for hours. She actually wanted to talk to her daughter. As silly as it sounded, Dani wanted to… Explain herself. Apologize for not coming around more often. She felt as though she had done Emily an injustice. This was probably a big reason as to why she was still so hung up on the past- a lack of closure.

So there she was, bundled up in a knee-length jacket, a beret atop her head, a bouquet of flowers in her hand, trekking her way to the grave she was far too familiar with.

Emily was buried amongst a other kids who had also died young in their lives, and therefore only needed a small grave. The headstone was small, but positioned on one of the outer edges, making it easy to find. Daniella didn’t need any help, though- she knew right where it was. Upon arriving, she stayed silent at first, setting the flowers down then sitting cross-legged in front of the plot. Where to even start?

She took a deep breath and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, deciding to just… Dive right in. ”Hi, Emmy,” Dani began, forcing a small smile, ”It’s hard to believe that you’d be in school now. You’d be nine now, I think, and… Wow. I still miss you.” Pause- awkward chuckle. ”I don’t think I’ll ever stop. I mean… I only knew you for nine months, but I’ve never loved anyone or anything more. Except for maybe your Daddy. I hope he’s been coming around to visit you. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long… But I promise to come around more. It really helps to just sit and talk.”

She fell silent, then, and reached up to brush a stray tear from her eye. Yes… This was something she definitely needed to do more often.

[matthew]

Matthew Lansing had been torturing himself again.

He hadn't slept for days. There was something that was seriously paining him, something more than what he had been depressed about for the past ten years. His grandmother had warned him about dwelling on the past, that it could break a man in two no matter how strong he was. She was a devout Catholic and believed that everything could be fixed through a little trust and prayer. Matt didn't have time for that, though. His time for prayer had passed and now he just needed some sort of saving grace- something to believe in again.

He had spent the last few nights sitting in Emily's room. By now he had a routine- hold the stuffed animals, trace out the big letters over the crib, and sit in the chair and stare at the empty bed. It was a dangerous thing to do, just like his grandmother had said. He should have cleared out the room as soon as it happened, but he couldn't bring himself to it. This room had been decorated with the money that he and Dani could barely muster up but still enjoyed doing. He had memories of trying to set up the crib without reading the directions and being laughed at, shopping for toys, and glaring at the high prices of diapers. These memories always put a smile on his face, they were reminders of the happiest time in his life.

Every Saturday he made his way to the cemetery to change the flowers on her grave and just kneel there for a couple minutes. Unlike sitting in her room, this was a better way for him to grieve. He was able to see that she was, in fact, gone. He arrived at the haunting place and got out of his car. It was exceptionally cold and dark, but Matt told himself that cemeteries were supposed to be lifeless and cold. It was normal for the feeling of pure and overwhelming sadness, at least he should have been used to it by now. Matt cleared his throat and walked the same path that he had every week, the flowers weighing heavy in his hands. Everything was normal was usual, except for the figure at Emily's grave.

Matt almost dropped the flowers. At first he figured that it was a good Samaritan who had heard about him, or just a random passerby who saw her grave and felt like saying a few words. However, as he walked closer he noticed that it was neither- it was Dani. Feelings rushed through his body, so many feelings that he couldn't even decipher. He felt pure love, all he wanted to do was embrace her and kiss her and tell her how much he loved her. Then he felt sadness, he wanted to cry on her shoulder and tell her about everything he had gone through and how much he missed her.

And then he was angry. How could she have left him? How could any decent human being let someone lose the two things that had ever meant anything to him leave in the matter of a month? He clutched the flowers, that had been reduced to a staggering pile of sweat and petals and began to make his way towards her. He stopped a few feet near her, a safe enough distance, and watched her for a moment. He knew she couldn't see him yet, and he had caught the last of her speech. Matt saw the tear from her eye and wanted nothing more than to wipe it away. But, he couldn't contain the anger raging inside of him enough to let that happen.

He had rehearsed what he was going to say a million times but only a few words escaped from his lips. "What the hell are you doing here?"

[daniellacade]

Daniella was beginning to feel… Well, she didn’t know. But she knew that it was helping, having the opportunity to sit down and talk to Emily for a bit. She hadn’t heard the approaching footsteps. In all actuality, she was fairly certain she was alone, which was the number one reason why she was allowing herself to back down and open up. She had never been the kind of person to wear her heart on her sleeve, with the exception of being around a few people.

Matthew had, at one time, been her savior. After it happened, he was the only person she allowed to see her cry. She pushed her family away- their disappointment in her getting pregnant in the first place had lead her to believe that they wouldn’t be all too supportive. Whether she was right or not, she’d never know, but she hadn’t been in a very good place at that point and was in no mental state to try and think rationally. So he’d been her entire focus until she’d come to the conclusion that it just wasn’t a healthy way to live her life, and then… She left.

In all honesty, she wasn’t sure how she expected seeing Matt again would go. For years, she didn’t have to think about it. She did, of course, over and over, but… Honestly, she never really expected him to show up after ages and beg for her back. That was silly. She wasn’t all that important, to have someone pine after her. But it was a relatively nice thought. However the possibility hadn’t been at all real until she found out she was returning to Capeside. Since then, numerous different scenarios had gone through her head.

This was not one of them. She was definitely unprepared.

His voice startled her and she quickly reached up to wipe any tears off of her cheeks. His words were cold, as was his demeanor when she finally looked up at him. There was never a doubt in her mind who it was. Dani had never stopped loving him- that much was certain. He was just as good looking as she remembered and she had that overwhelming desire to go up and hug him, just as she always had before. But his tone stopped her cold, and she realized that no matter how much she had actually missed him… She still couldn’t bring herself to respond kindly to his comments.

She was always a spit-fire at heart. Always.

”Burning down orphanages and kicking puppies,” mumbled Dani, pushing herself to her feet and quickly tucking a lock of hair behind her ear before crossing her arms over her chest. ”Or, you know. I just… Wanted to talk to my daughter. I’m sorry if that violates my visitation rights.” She brushed away any remaining tears and clenched her jaw, trying to stop herself from shooting out any more biting remarks. ”I’m sorry. I can, uh. Go. If you want.”

No. This certainly wasn’t going how she imagined at all.

[matthew]

Matthew wasn't always the tortured soul that he was today. When he was younger, he was a ball of energy and always on the go. It had taken his grandmother years to figure out how to deal with such a large personality in such a small package. Matt had never really been small, though. He had always been taller than the others kids, not gigantor tall, but tall enough that he was always above everyone. Perhaps this was the reason that he felt the need to be protective of people.

So when he and Dani had been together, Matt had constantly felt the need to protect her. He was satisfied just being able to sit next to her with his arm around her, knowing that he would never let anyone hurt her. The same protective nature was present when he found out that Dani was pregnant. He wanted nothing more than to hold his daughter and let her know that he would never let anything happen to her. Naturally, anyone would be distraught losing the one's that they love, but for Matt it was like breaking a promise that he had made to himself.

When Dani left, he felt that she had broken a promise as well. He had every intention of marrying her one day, and at one point it seemed like they were married. It was all the more hurtful when she left, but Matt obviously prepared himself to never see her again. So him going to an already sore spot, and seeing Dani there was like pouring salt on a wound.

Matt never anticipated seeing her again, so he had never imagined what it would be like. However, he hadn't ever thought of yelling at her. The words that had come out of mouth had tasted like poison- the pure hatred he felt was horrible. The worst part was seeing her wipe the tears from her eyes. Matt felt his heart drop, and wanted nothing more than to just hold her again and tell her how sorry he was and make sure she never cried again. He knew that he had to restrain himself, though. She probably didn't want to have anything to do with him.

He watched her get up and listened to her sarcastic comments, but didn't bother to reply. Those words reminded him of the Dani he knew, the girl who was quick-witted and stood up for herself. He almost smiled, but hearing her snap at him took him aback. He had never heard her use that kind of tone with him, but then again he had started it- whether he wanted to admit it or not. Matt was about to fire back when he saw the tears again.

He moved closer to her, and finally set down the destroyed flowers that he had been clenching. He got back up from kneeling down and faced Dani again, but not before distancing himself a bit. "No, don't leave. I'm sorry. I just...didn't expect to see you here. Or see you at all for that matter." He knew that part of his apology was true, but he felt the right to throw in the comment about her leaving- he had earned it, right?

[daniellacade]

Dani really wasn’t sure what to do with herself at the moment. She felt so many emotions running through her and all she really wanted was to hug him. But that wasn’t supposed to happen. She wasn’t allowed to do that. Of course he was mad at her- he had every right to be. Sure, she wasn’t going to just stand there and let him snap at her, because she was far too stubborn for that, but it wasn’t like she didn’t deserve it. In all honesty, a part of her had wanted him to come with her. When she had told him that day that she was leaving, she’d wanted him to say “let me come with you”. He hadn’t. Not that she truly expected him to, but she’d had hopes. He hadn’t, so she’d left, alone. She’d spent that time trying to move on. She had needed it. It helped, although perhaps staying with Matt would have helped more- there was no way of telling. Perhaps she shouldn’t have left him to fend for himself. That was, perhaps, selfish of her, but it wasn’t a point in her life where she was thinking clear at all.

Just… Damn it.

Her thoughts were running amuck and she just barely comprehended that he was telling her to stay. Ella took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down and figure out how to respond to the situation. They needed to talk things out, she supposed. But now? Right there at Emily’s grave? It seemed… That maybe it would’ve been better had they met under other circumstances. Somewhere that didn’t make them both so emotional. But now that they were there, it seemed like this is where it was going to happen. She just wished she was more optimistic about how this whole thing would turn out.

Catching the remark about leaving, Daniella pocketed her hands and frowned, giving a very slight nod. ”Yeah, guess I deserve that one,” she admitted, giving a shrug of her shoulder. What else was she supposed to say? She couldn’t fight that one. She had no right.

There were different approaches she could’ve taken. She could have hugged him, like she wanted to, and begged him to forget everything that happened because she missed him. Or she could’ve just continued to be stand-offish, keeping her distance and prolonging the bickering match. Or she could just apologize and be honest with him, considering that would have to come out eventually, anyways. She chose option number three.

”I’m sorry,” Dani began, casually shrugging her shoulder. ”You don’t have to stop hating me or believe me, but I am. I was upset, and I didn’t know what to do, but I couldn’t keep waking up after only two hours of sleep every night and ending up in Emily’s nursery. I expected to not get much sleep but not for that reason. I couldn’t keep… Keep laying there waiting to hear a baby crying. It was emotionally exhausting and I was afraid of what might happen if I stayed. So… I left. And maybe that wasn’t the best course of action. I’m sorry. I never stopped thinking about you, if that’s any consolation. It probably isn’t, but… There you have it.”

She averted her gaze, then, crossing her arms over her chest and looking down to the ground. There. Now it was out. Ball was in his court.