of waiting hearts -- luke

[sophie]

It was quiet. Normally, Sophie would have enjoyed this sort of atmosphere. The young woman was a fan of all things serene and peaceful. However as she sat with her hands folded in her lap, Sophie thought it was too quiet. Everything was crisp, clean, and stark. The reception area had clean white walls and beige furniture, with nothing out of place. Fake plants so they wouldn’t even wilt. The garden she was now sitting in was all neatly trimmed. The grass had no brown spots. Everything about this place felt stiflingly perfect to Sophie. She understood that the clean, soothing atmosphere was supposed to help, but as she sat there in that moment, it felt anything but helpful. How were the people here ever supposed to feel at ease with themselves in these un-naturally perfect surroundings? They would be forever trying to reach a status that was impossible to reach. That wasn’t the way to deal with the problems. That was stifling. Even Sophie felt over-whelmed by the surroundings. No one could live up to the sorts of expectations this environment put on people. No one, no matter how hard they tried. This place was soul-crushing; and it was her fault her best friend was here.

It was Sophie’s fault. She had been the one that had found this place, and begged Luke to come. Bargained their friendship for him getting clean. Told him that if he didn’t at least try that she wasn’t sure she could carry on being his friend because it was just too heart-breaking. At the time she had thought she was doing the right thing. He needed a reason, and she was willing to give him one. She had taken a risk. There had been the chance that Luke would have been willing to throw away their friendship, and Sophie had been petrified that he would and that her heart would be crushed. But she had needed to do something. This place seemed like one of the better places within the price-range she had to work within. It had seemed to be doing him well the other times she had visited. In fact, she couldn’t remember feeling this over-whelmed the last time she was here. Seeing Luke in this place had never been an easy task on the young woman, but it had never been this hard either. She had never felt her heart twist and her stomach sink like this.

She was shaking, visibly shaking as she sat in silence. Tangible evidence of her anxiety as she sat waiting for him. Waiting. Sophie had spent most of her young adult life waiting for Luke. She often felt like her life was on pause. That she was in a state of limbo, just waiting on Luke to ignite something. Of course, she was doing things. Working, getting herself an education.. Creating something of herself. There was always something missing though. Her heart wasn’t complete while she was waiting for Luke, and Sophie knew that probably wasn’t healthy, but she had given a large part of her soul to Luke many years ago, and it never occurred to her to ask for it back. She had been willing just to wait for him to find her on his own, and figure out that they needed each other. Luke always seemed to need other things more though. As at home as she felt in his presence, it seemed that, at least in Sophie’s eyes, her best friend needed something else to feel that way. So she waited. Quietly, unassuming. Holding on to what was probably a naive belief that if she waited long enough, he’d look at her and see himself completed.

That wait could be over today though, and the idea of that made Sophie feel sick to her stomach. What she had come here to say to him was going to either alter her whole life, or renew her hope in the waiting. What was worse, Sophie couldn’t choose for herself. She couldn’t bring herself to walk away from what could be, for what was. Luke was what could be, but what was had the potential to be something too. Nate was kind to her. He loved her. He’d been there for her when Luke simply couldn’t be there, and now he wanted to marry her. She could love Nate, it would be so easy. Sophie knew that. He was stable, and he made her happy. Before she could really open herself to that though, she needed her heart back. She couldn’t give away what wasn’t hers to start with. There was a part of her, the part that felt like throwing up at the idea of it, that didn’t want it back. That believed it was already with the right person. How much longer could she wait though? Without at least some sort of indication that it wasn’t in vain. She needed Luke to make her choice for her.

She knew that made her a horrible person- that she had come here today to find out if she should just let go, or keep waiting. She shouldn’t be putting that choice in Luke’s hands. It was her own and she should be the one to make it. She was a coward though, and she needed to see it in Luke’s eyes, if there was anything actually waiting for her in his heart. If he was willing to offer it to her, more importantly. It wouldn’t matter what stirred in his soul, if he was just going to keep it to himself. Sophie needed to know that he would be with her like she needed to feel complete. It was selfish, she knew that. Luke needed to focus on fixing himself, and here she was asking him to fix her. She owed him this though, at least. A face to face conversation. It wasn’t the sort of thing you just tell someone over the phone, and Luke deserved the right thing. So there she sat. On a bench in the gardens where the staff had directed her, telling her that Luke would be along soon. Hands placed neatly in her lap so she didn’t fiddle. Waiting for him. Waiting for her heart.

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[lucas]

"She's here?"

There was something so indescribable about how the atmosphere changed once the words had sunk in. She was here. His head lifted and his spine seemed to shake itself sober. The misery that came coupled with living in such a sterile room seemed to fade away as the smile grew on his face. Sophie. His throat gurgled an excited note. His hands clasped to each other, fidgeted around, unclasped, then clasped again. He was six years old again and Sophie Esther Flemming was here to see him. As the words filled what felt like the empty spaces in his brain, it was with one fluid motion that Luke had found himself off of his cot and in the door way of his designated room. As far as he was concerned, every second spent in here was now a second wasted. Come to think of it, any second was a waste unless it was with her. She was the only reason why he was even here.

It wasn't a hard decision for him to make when his best friend had taken her stand against his fatal habits. The memory of her brown eyes had been bored into his soul after seeing what shade her orbs turned when they were filled to the absolute brim with fear and desperation. His heart had shattered on that very night and his bones still managed to ach at the thought, but it wasn't hard. When it came down to choosing between the dark addiction that bound him for so many years and the woman who had tried to liberate him towards freedom, of course he chose her. It could have come down to anything and her, he would have chosen her. That's just how it was. That was how it had always been. And Lucas was here in this clinical cell to make sure that it would always stay that way.

There was a quick nod at the attending who had come to fetch him before he exited, the 23 year old bounding down the hall. His fingers found there way through his hair as his heart found its way through his rib cage, hands pressing down his messy blonde locks before adjusting his plain fitted t-shirt. He knew his appearance didn't matter to her. Which was good considering looking good wasn't exactly a commodity here. Still though, he inspected himself with a quick once over to make sure she'd still find him attractive. Because she did, didn't she? Of course she did. She was in love with him. If there was one thing he had realized after all of these sleepless nights at Morningside Recovery - it was that she was in love with him. She had to, after everything she had done for him and that...well, that he loved her as well. And when he got out of here, the man's smile had double in size as the thought came to him, when he got out of here, she was going to know it.

Upon reaching the door metal door way, there was a transformation. His fingertips scraped it's cold surface and his eyes grew large and pitiful. Darting his head back towards the attendee, he once again felt six years old. This moment was his Christmas morning and this door was the wrapping on his gift. Perched on his tippy toes, he swore he could track the excitement coursing through his veins as he waited. There was so much to tell her, so much to say. So little time to spend it with her and here this attending was taking his god damn time down the hallway walking at a glacial pace that made him want to...The attending nodded. Lucas looked at him for confirmation, pressed his hands against the seething steel door and swallowed. This was it. It was time for the most beautiful of surrenders.

Throwing open the door with only the gusto of a man in love, he had stepped outside and laid eyes on her. The sensation of the high sun went unnoticed on his pale skin, the color in his cheeks how ever crackling along the edges of his smile. Tucking his hands into the pockets of his denims, he took in the scene before making his way towards her. Was it normal that the world was on mute? He couldn't hear his footsteps against the path and he swore the friction of the ground against his converse was trying to hold him back. All the hard work invested in keeping this green serenity was worth nothing in comparison to her. Sophie. The woman he loved. The woman now sitting three paces in front of him with her hands in her lap. She was here waiting for him - just like he knew she would be. Waiting just like he knew she would be waiting for him once he had gotten out of here.

With out much thought the man had found himself on his knees before her, the rate of his heart matching the speed of his actions. "Hey there, beautiful," his voice was low, warm, and excited as his he laid his hands upon her own on her lap. Softly, he pressed his lips to her forehead, lingering just long enough to savor the feeling her skin had to offer before pulling back and replacing the large grin on his face. "You look...amazing," a bubble of laughter rose in his throat, the sheer ecstasy of having her close obviously catching the man off guard as he blushed. He had spent his entire lifetime in the presence of this woman, yet Luke could never understand how every time he laid eyes on her it felt like the first time all over again. "My Opie," his voice got lower, the man fidgeting on his knees before surrendering entirely to rest his head in her lap, "How are you Opie?"

[sophie]

While thoughts consumed Sophie, and she paid little attention to what was happening around her, she knew when Luke was approaching her. She always knew. There was an inbuilt sense in the young woman that alerted her to his presence. She could find him out in a crowded room with ease. It had always been that way, and Sophie never questioned it. The gravitational force that held them together was so strong that she couldn’t even begin to imagine how it would be without it. Luke was the lighthouse to her heart, leading it home. In even the stormiest weather and through all the dangerous seas, she felt at ease knowing he was there to guide her back into the safety of his arms. It felt strange without him as that constant in her life. It had been crumbling, but with Luke being in rehab she sometimes felt as though someone had ripped out the light to her soul. Leaving her world dark, leaving her to navigate her way alone. Some days she didn’t know how to find her way though without Luke, and those were the days she turned to Nate for the comfort he provided.

Even without his light though, she could still sense him. Someone had once told Sophie that watching her with Luke was a surreal experience- like some sort of slow motion dance. That when one of them moved, the other moved with them, angling themselves to suit the other’s new position. Even when they weren’t even touching, or looking at each other. The gravitational pull between the two of them was so strong that the moment they were in the same room as each other everything shifted and they connected in a way that Sophie had thought was only ever romanticized about. It wasn’t even a conscious thing. Before she could even hear him, Sophie was turning her head in the direction of the man. In the moment her eyes found him, Sophie could feel her universe shift. Her body angled itself towards him and her skin seemed to buzz. Her hands were desperate to reach out and touch him, and her ears craved the sound of his voice. However she sat perfectly still, savouring the perfect torture of seeing him again. This was a moment she would cherish, no matter the result of today. Sophie knew that how she was feeling in this moment would be precious.

Then there he was, kneeling in front of her. His voice surrounding her, filling her to the brim. He wasn’t the first person to call Sophie beautiful, and he wouldn’t be the last. However that once simple greeting had Sophie chocking up. Her heart being tugged in every possible direction. When Luke called her beautiful, there was no doubt in Sophie’s mind that they were the most sincere words she had ever heard uttered. She knew that he truly meant it with every inch of him. Words failed her in that moment, so instead of speaking the brunette closed her eyes tightly and indulged in his kiss to her forehead. Taking a deep breath to take in his scent. Memories couldn’t quite compare to the tangible experience of being with Luke. Even if she could still feel the ghost of every touch, hear him repeat ever word in her mind.. It would never be like this. Being close to him bought vibrancy into her life. Even in the worst of situations, everything was just a little bolder, just a little sharper than it was when he was gone. God, she had missed that more than she even realized.

His small laugh was echoed in Sophie, as her own lips parted and she let out a melodic expression of joy that seemed solely reserved for the man kneeling at her feel. Gentle removing her hand from his, Sophie reached out to him. Her fingertips stroking his cheek just once as her eyes found his. Brown meeting blue. Earth meeting sky. Which was a perfect analogy for their relationship. She grounded him and he let her fly. “You look just like my Luke..” she mused gently, as her hand fell away from his face. Her lip was trembling now. It didn’t matter what her purpose was for coming, seeing Luke was over-whelming, and Sophie was drinking it all in as fast and as much as she could, to the point where she wasn’t sure she could hold herself together much longer. She was right. The moment his head found her lap, Sophie felt her body tremble and the tears start to flow. The gesture had so much significance between them. The hours they had spent with his head in her lap, Sophie stroking his hair softly, were immeasurable. Her hand instantly found his head, brushing his hair from his forehead. Truth be told, the action soothed her just as much as it was meant to sooth Luke. “How can I be anything other than perfect when I’m here with you?”

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