hold on, baby you're loosing it -- LUCA

[beth]

The smell of something baking was familiar in the Tanner house. In fact, it has come to be almost expected. Bethany Tanner loved to bake. It soothed her in a way. The smell of baking cookie dough was one that, if she came home to after school, she knew it was a good day for her mother. Beth would never know how long that would last- but in that moment it was a good day and the scent would fill her with warmth she could never explain to anyone else. Sometimes she just needed to the scent of something baking. It may have seemed silly, but it calmed her, then what else mattered? Those who knew her could tell when she was having a bad day. The sad smile that tugged at her lips as she stirred the mixture. Her more than usual quiet demeanour. All obvious signs that the current treats were not just because she was craving chocolate, or because she wanted to make someone smile.

This was one of those times. Beth hadn’t had the best day. School had been okay, but nothing fantastic. She’d seen Luca talking to Ruby at lunch which had made her stomach knot up for reasons she didn’t really understand, but that wasn’t really the problem. Or at least she didn’t think it was. She hadn’t been able to focus at her training session. Which was actually rather bad for a figure skater. Falling over on the ice hurt a lot more then falling over on grass, and it gave you wet clothes. More than that though, she was frustrated at herself. She’d tried her triple toe loop until she was dizzy, but hadn’t landed it right once all afternoon. It wouldn’t have been so bad if she would have been able to work out what had her so distracted, but it was all just a jumble inside her mind. Which was even more frustrating for the young girl.

She had left the rink in a very sombre mood, sure that her rear and thighs were going to be bruised as anything in the morning. In fact, in some places she could already see the skin discolouring. The first thing she had done when she got home was take a nice hot shower. Letting the jets of steamy water work over her tired muscles. It had helped relax her body, but not her mind. Which explained the cookies. Once she had dressed in some comfortable clothes, the brunette had mixed a simple chocolate chip cookie batter. She wasn’t in the mood for fancy really. She just wanted the simple pleasures right now and what was more simpler pleasure then a chocolate chip cookie? She’d then separated the dough into balls, and flattened them on the baking tray. A task she was rather quick at, considering all the times she’d done it before.

Now she sat at the piano stool. Fingers caressing the keys softly- but not enough to make a sound. The smell filling her nostrils, and helping to distil her mind. Separate the jumbled thoughts that had her so uptight. One thought seemed to keep coming up. No matter how much she tried to push it aside- the image of Luca smiling at Ruby filled her mind and the same knotted feeling filled her stomach. She knew they were friends, but Ruby was so pretty. So different to the way Beth looked. Maybe he was growing feelings for her again? So what? She chastised herself. Why should that upset you? Beth bit her lip. She didn’t have an answer for that. She was being silly. Yes, that was all. Silly.

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[luca]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,300,true] The laptop screen lay open, its brightness contrasting against the darkness of the room. The light that hung in the centre of the ceiling was dimming, obviously on its last legs, about to completely shut off forever. Fingers tapped over the keys lightly. The boy’s eyes remained blank as if trying to pull the words out of the afternoon air. Every few moments his right index finger would slam on the backspace key in anger. “This will never be finished,” he whispered, slamming the screen down and jumping off the chair. Running a hand through his clearly unnatural blonde hair, he sighed and walked out the room, not even bothering to switch of the light, knowing that it would go out on its own soon. Glancing up at the clock in the hall of the silent house he noted the time. It was starting to get late and his stomach moaned in anger. He hadn’t even had afternoon tea. The last time he had eaten was during lunch at school. Luca recalled having been talking to Ruby during that lovely time. They had spoken for a long while, on a rather interesting topic but the whole while he had really been wishing to speak to someone else. There was no doubt in anyone’s minds that Beth and Luca were best friends. You could ask anyone in their school and they would say so and you could ask either child too. Yet Luca had been feeling something different lately, something that confused him right to the core. Thinking of Beth got Luca thinking. Beth liked to bake from what he remembered of their lifelong friendship. Grinning he realised that she would have come back from practice by now. Either she had done terribly, in which case she would bake to make herself feel better. If not, than she had skated brilliantly, in which case she would be celebrating with some form of baked goods. Luca took the stairs two at a time as he reached for his jacket and house keys. He left a rushed not on the kitchen table for the rest of his family, hoping they would not mind his absence. Walking the familiar roads, he took each turn like it was second nature to him. It took him exactly two minutes and thirty seven seconds to reach her house. Walking up to her front door he balled his hand up into a fist and lifted it up to the wood. He was about to knock when he remembered something. This was the Tanner residence. When had he ever knocked? Usually the door was unlocked if someone was inside and he was so used to just letting himself in. So why the sudden change? Luca grabbed the door handle and pushed the wood inwards, noticing it creak just a little on its hinges as it opened. Walking in, he looked around the familiar place. Grinning, he picked up on the scent of cookies. “Beth?” Luca called out, hoping that she was, in fact, home. He continued to walk into the house and found himself in her kitchen, leaning up against the countertop as he waited for her to show herself. The smell of the cookies was overwhelming and his stomach grumbled in response. Luca himself just grinned and ran a hand through his hair, looking over at the oven, trying to see if the cookies were ready to be eaten. - - WORDS !?

[/color] five hundred seventy one
- - TAG !?[/color] beth <3
- - STATUS !?[/color] finished
- - MUSE !?[/color] meh
- - NOTES !?[/color] yay!
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[beth]

Bethany didn’t hear the front door open. Which really wasn’t surprising since the piano was in the den, which was about as far away from the front door as you could get on the entry level to her split level home. They really shouldn’t be leaving the door unlocked. Even with three of them home, there was no guarantee they would hear the front door. Especially if they were on the lower level in the rumpus room or laundry, or upstairs in the bedrooms. Then, the crime rate was not something people often worried about in Capeside. Especially not the Tanner’s. While their little beach-front spilt level was nice, it had nothing on most of the gorgeous houses where they lived. If you were casing the street for a big job, it would probably be the last place you’d consider hitting, and there really wasn’t a lot of petty crime in the area. Still though, for safety they really should look into doing looking into more safety. Not that anyone untoward was coming into the house. Luca probably had his own key somewhere that he could use if they started locking the doors. He would never be unwanted.

It wasn’t until she heard his voice that she realised he was there. A smile tugged on her lips and she felt incredibly warm knowing in a matter of seconds she’d be able to give him a hug. It seemed that anything the baking hadn’t been able to sooth was fixed by his voice. Of course, she was just going to ignore the little niggling voice in the back of her mind that was trying to remind her of what it felt like to see him with Ruby. That was all just sillyness, she decided. Nothing she needed to pay any attention to at all. Luca hadn’t done anything wrong. He was allowed to have female friends. Hell he was allowed to date whomever he felt like. It had nothing to do with Beth. “Just a sec!” She called into the kitchen. Carefully closing the lid over the keys of her piano before standing up. She’d have told him to come into the den, but her cookies were probably just about ready, so she had to get up to check on those anyway, so why make him walk all the way into the den just to follow her all the way back out into the kitchen at a moments notice?

Moving out of the den and into the hall, Bethany made her way into the kitchen. Her smile stretching even further when she saw him. Without any hesitation, she slipped her arms around him in a hug. There was nothing quite as good as a Luca hug, and Bethany was sure to take one every chance she got. “Hey Lu-lu,” she grinned. Resting her chin on his shoulder. Beth was probably the only person in the world who could get away with calling him that, because it had been her creation. When she had met the boy at the age of two, she couldn’t pronounce his name very well, so he had just become Lu-Lu to her, and had stayed that way until she started school. She rested against him for a moment, enjoying the hug before pulling back. “You have good timing mister.” She told him brightly. “I think my cookies are just about done.” Turning her back on him, she leant down to peer into the oven, considering her baked treats for a moment. “Maybe just a little longer.”

She stood up, and pulled herself up onto the bench. The skirt she had on riding up a little. While she was modest, Bethany didn’t really seem to notice if her skirt was showing off a little too much thigh. Especially around Luca. She just.. didn’t think in such sexual terms. “How was your afternoon?”

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[luca]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,300,true] & like the stars that shined I N T H E S K Y ( the pretty lights ) Leaning against the countertop, the boy let a sigh escape his lips. He looked around the kitchen, thinking back to all the previous times he had been in there. He remembered running along the tiled floor at the age of nine, chasing Beth around. She had dared him to kiss her but when he’d attempted it, she had simply run. It made him wonder if she even remembered all those things. To him, the memories were so precious, like the most expensive diamond in the world. Only Beth was his diamond, yet she would never know it. Sometimes it angered him that she was so clueless and naïve. Everyone else seemed to what was going through his mind whenever he saw her, except Beth. For some reason she remained out of loop to the one thing Luca wished she knew about. The familiar voice broke his reverie and instead he looked up, startled. He looked over to where he assumed the voice had come from. He looked up at her as she entered the kitchen, his smile mirroring hers, a clear sign that he was happy to see her. He had missed her, even for that short while that they had been apart. It was cliché, yes, but that’s just how Luca was. That was probably the main reason each of his stories were a total bunch of crap. His writing was absolutely terrible and he really only had one good idea for a story, something that may also help get through to Beth. Wrapping his arms around her waist he pulled Beth closer and tighter into the hug. She was so warm and her hair smelt like shampoo, the same shampoo that she always used. His smile grew as she used his nickname. Only Beth could get away with calling him that. He recalled one time when Wyatt had attempted it and Luca nearly punched him in the gut. If Beth had not been present at that time, he would have carried through with the punch. Of course, Luca was always giving empty threats, which was probably why Wyatt continued to tease him. “Mmmm, cookies,” he murmured, turning around to look over at the oven. “I simply love your cookies Beth.” It was no lie. Beth’s cookies would remain his favourite until the end of time. As Beth turned back to him, the cookies remaining in the oven, his smile fell. “Damn, well then, I guess I’ll just have to stick around,” he winked at her, the smile instantly returning. Knowing him, Luca would probably end up staying for dinner anyway. His mother had not been home and so she would probably just assume he was staying with the Tanners and cook a one person meal. Luca joined his friend up on the bench top and smiled down at her. As she spoke he noticed that her skirt had ridden up a little. It was exposing quite a significant amount of thigh which made Luca’s heart jump and race. He pulled his eyes away from her legs and instead tried to focus on her face, though it was certainly a hard task. He had seen a lot more of her legs before but now, it just seemed so different, and he did not know why. It was confusing him and annoying him to the point that he felt like he could simply explode at any time. Clearing his throat he looked over at Beth. “Same old, same old, you know? I can’t write for shit but I have a feeling your cookies might help that. What about you? Baking obviously, but anything else?” ( w o r d s ) six hundred and four ( t a g ) beth <3 ( s t a t u s ) complete ( m u s e ) pretty good ( n o t e s ) tired.

[beth]

Those memories were precious to Beth. Of course they were. Beth was a rather sentimental girl. She wasn’t sure if it was her life experience that made her that way, but it would make sense. Loosing someone so close to you at such a young age really helped to make you appreciate things- especially the time you spend with people. But perhaps she’s always had a pre-disposition to hoarding nostalgia. She’s the sort of girl who keeps ticket stubs and other such tangible artefacts of her life in a box under her bed. In fact, one could probably chronicle her life story if they went through that box and set out each item inside. Of course, there were things in there that may not make sense to some people. It didn’t matter though; the box was just for her. She’d never shown it to anyone before and she wasn’t sure she ever would. It wasn’t that she was ashamed of it, or anything inside it. She just felt it was private, and that she didn’t want to share her most intimate memories with people. It was safe to say though, that Luca heavily featured in the memories kept safe in her box.

A frown tugged on her features as she heard Luca talk. She hated hearing me sound so negative about himself. As far as she was concerned, his writing was fantastic (everything he did was fantastic), then she was perhaps not the best judge, as she was rather bias towards him. She was bias towards all of her friends really. While she did mostly see the big, glaringly obvious faults in people, she could often get lost in seeing the good in people that she missed things, and over-looked things. She was the sort of girl who could be taken advantage of because of her trusting nature and the tendency to see the best in everyone. Though Luca wasn’t exactly someone who didn’t deserve it. He was a decent guy, who was good to Beth, and never took advantage of her in any way. He was probably just frustrated and being overly harsh on himself and his own skills as a writer. Taking her hand in his, she gave it an encouraging squeeze. She hated him thinking he wasn’t very good at anything. It upset her more than it usually did with other friends, because she wanted Luca to be happy more than anyone else.

“That’s not true,” she frowned at him. Her hand still in his. “You’re a good writer.” She offered him a warm smile, in the hopes of picking up his spirits. “I’ve pretty much read everything you’ve ever written and I think you are amazing.” It was true, Beth was usually the first one to read Luca’s work and she had always loved it. She felt like he was revealing pieces of himself in his writing, and that made it more intimate, and more relatable. That went for all sorts of art really. She thought that if you didn’t put a bit of yourself into your art, then it was destined to be empty. She herself put herself into not only the music she composed, but the music she played. Leaning up to him, she planted a soft kiss to his cheek. “I hope the cookies make you feel better though. They always make me feel better when I need it.” She gave the boy another warm smile. Moving her spare hand down to their interlocking hands absentmindedly. Toying with his fingers slightly.

She had a habit of doing that. Playing with her fingers, or dancing her own digits across his skin as if his arm (or whatever she happened to be touching) was the keys on a piano. Half the time, she didn’t even realise she was doing it. This time though, it was short lived. A sigh passing her lips as he asked about her afternoon. She withdrew from him. Her mind instantly flashing to thoughts of Luca and Ruby talking. Looking down, she gave a small shrug. Beth had no words to describe her feelings about it, so she thought best not to mention anything to Luca. Instead she focused on her training session. “Training today wasn’t so great.” She confided, looking down at the bench space between them. “I had a lot on my mind I guess, because I kept falling. I’m already starting to bruise.” Shifting her weight, Beth rested on her right thigh, lifting the left one up to show Luca the large bruise forming on the side of her leg. “See look..” she said softly, with something of a pout tugging her lips. “I’m going to be really sore tomorrow. I think we both need cookies this afternoon.”

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[luca]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,300,true] & like the stars that shined I N T H E S K Y ( the pretty lights ) Beth’s hand grasped his and Luca’s heart nearly jumped. He looked down that their hands, clasped together, as they sat there on the kitchen bench together. It was strange, he had held Beth’s hand so many times and yet now it simply felt different. Something had changed, whether it was himself or his friend, he was not sure of, and yet he was sure that something had definitely changed. Luca was not quite sure whether or not Beth had noticed the change but regardless of that, he was not going to mention it any time soon. Although, Wyatt had been giving him crap about having a crush on Beth. Luca had denied it but, he was starting to think that Wyatt had been right. He failed to notice when Beth had changed from that little girl into an amazing, and beautiful young woman. Frowning, he looked up at his friend. “You lie well,” he murmured softly. Beth’s smile only offered a small sense of happiness. There were always numerous compliments voiced by the girl whenever she read any of his works. Beth was always the first one to read them, mostly because Luca knew that he would never get any negative comments from her. She often gave him ideas for his writing however most of them were very cliché, a classic Bethany. It was not a bad thing, those gooey love stories but he just did not feel like writing any of them. They were always similar in plot line and they were too generic and too happy. Not everyone in the world receives their happy ending and he felt that he was doing a favour to everyone in the world by not writing about Princesses and their Prince Charmings. “I wrote a sonnet today in English class. One of my lines said something like ‘is winged cupid painted blind’ but Mrs Mac told me that it had already been done. So then, I simply had to write my own. I believe that copying Shakespeare’s works is much more productive.” Luca did not know why he said it. That kind of thing just came to mind. It was no lie that he did not like the English teacher who had been substituting for their usual teacher. Mrs MacDonald was not a nice lady and she always seemed to pick on Luca. There was some great expectation for him to do amazingly. And yet, if you asked Luca’s own brother, Peter would have no clue that Luca was even studying English. The expectations were really only those of the English department and Beth. Luca could not care less if he failed to meet the expectations of the English teachers, it was Beth that mattered. The kiss on his cheek made Luca blush slightly and he turned to Beth. That was unexpected, he thought to himself as he looked at her warily. He did not know where that had come from and he wondered if he had missed something. “I’m sure they will,” he said absent-mindedly as he tried to pick apart the reasons for the kiss. Usually that kind of thing did not bother him but now, he was utterly confused. Luca smiled as he felt Beth playing around with his fingers. He was used to her quirks, this one most of all, and he did not mind in the slightest. It was a nice feeling; it made him feel secure and almost peaceful. “That sucks,” Luca whispered, his face falling at the sound of her sadness. The exposure of the woman’s thigh sent Luca’s heart racing and he felt like he was about to pass out. “That looks painful,” was all he managed to choke out. He was not sure whether it would be acceptable to reach out and stroke the bruise so instead he just kept his hands were they were. He frowned as he processed the first part of her comment. “What kind of things were on your mind,” he wondered. Luca peered quickly over at the oven, wondering when the heavenly cookies would be ready for tasting. ( w o r d s ) six hundred and eighty ( t a g ) beth <3 ( s t a t u s ) complete ( m u s e ) quite good ( n o t e s ) sick.

[beth]

It never really occurred to Bethany that certain things weren’t appropriate. Like kissing his cheek. She’d always done that. To Beth, it was as innocent as kissing her father’s cheek, or a grand-parent. She never considered that now it could be different that they were older. That the boy-girl thing could twist a very innocent interaction into something sexual. Beth hated that word. And any word like it. Even the funny sounding one’s like coitus. She refused to even say words pertaining to any sort of genitalia, and if someone else says it, she will turn beat-red and blush for a long while. That’s just Bethany though, she’s always been the sort of girl who believed that talking about those things just wasn’t right. It was private, and shouldn’t be discussed. Though, her friends seemed to talk about that sort of thing a lot. Though she had a sneaking suspicion that most of it was done to tease Bethany.

It didn’t even occur to her that flashing half her upper thigh to Luca wasn’t a smart idea. It was just, it never even crossed her mind that he saw her as anything but Beth, the little girl that was his best friend. Others had suggested to Bethany that perhaps Luca was starting to see her differently, but she had just shrugged those ideas off. There was no reason he would be affected by her thigh, in Bethany’s opinion. He had seen her in short shorts when she was younger during summer. He had seen her in figure skating costumes that only had sheer skirts covering her upper thighs. He had seen her in a swimming costume. How was this any different? It wasn’t. Or at least, she failed to see any line of logic that made it any different at all. She was just showing him her bruise. Nothing more to it than that.

He seemed odd though. Strained or something. Frowning, she lowered her thigh down so she was sitting back down on the bench correctly. He was probably still stressing over his story, and more worried about what was upsetting her than her bruise. Yes, that was it. Bethany shrugged off his tenseness and looked over at him, watching him for a moment. Was telling him what had been on her mind really such a good idea? Bethany bit the inside of her lip. No, it probably wasn’t at all. It would open a box on something that was better left closed and unexplained. Shrugging, she cast her mind around for some other reason to give him. Bethany didn’t like the idea of actually lying to him, but in the situation.. Sighing, she shrugged once more. “Nothing really important, just couldn’t focus.” That wasn’t exactly the truth. It wasn’t exactly a lie though, either. It was a bit vague, but better than making something up.

Before he could ask any follow-up questions, Bethany slid off the bench, pulling a smile to her features. “I think those cookies might be done.” She told him, before moving over to the oven and opening the door slightly to look in on her bake treats. They looked nice and golden, without being over-cooked. Over-baking cookies made them way too crunchie. “Just perfect.” She closed the oven door before turning off the dials. Then she opened a nearby draw to get out her cooling rack. Setting it on the island bench, next to a clean tea-towel. Once that was set up, she slipped on some polka-dotted oven mitts and retrieved the cookies. She placed the hot tray onto of the stove, and took a deep breath. Cookies always smelt so good just out of the oven.

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[luca]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,300,true] & like the stars that shined I N T H E S K Y ( the pretty lights ) Leaning back slightly, he watched Beth with his head slightly tilted. Her bruise was bad and he could not stop thinking about it. Beth did not usually fall that badly during practice. She was an amazing skater. He knew that just as well as the next person, which was why he was starting to worry now. Whatever had been distracting her, it was not a small thing, and it was obviously important. Beth’s dodging of the question just made him even more nervous. Making a mental note to ask about that later, he let a smile cross his face and tried to conceal his true thoughts. Sliding forwards on the bench he let his legs swing leisurely as he glanced over at the oven. The smell of the cookies was delicious and he heard his stomach grumble slightly. As Beth slid of the bench he followed but then made sure to stand out of the way. Distracting Beth whilst she was dealing with the cookies was not a good idea. After having known Bethany Tanner for nearly all of his life, Luca knew exactly when to just step back and let her take charge. He did not want to ruin his chances of getting a lovely warm cookie in any way and so he simply watched as the little brunette pulled out the cooling racks. The chocolate smell and the warmth that was emanating from the baked goods was absolutely amazing and Luca had the urge to just go and steal the whole tray then bolt for the door. Of course, he didn’t do that, but he would have, if it was any other day. “They smell great Beth. When can I taste?” Luca grinned, walking towards her again. He looked over the cookies, as if to check that all of them were in perfect order. Then, looking over at Beth, he grabbed her around the waste. “I think, we should hide them from Wyatt,” he joked, the laughter escaping his lips and making his voice a little less comprehensible. “Otherwise he’ll just eat them all.” A grin spread across the blonde’s face as he looked down at the brunette. His laughter died down slightly but the smile remained. He was just trying to distract her, trying to lighten the mood just a little. Perhaps it was also Luca trying to distract himself, from how beautiful she was. Blinking a few times he removed his hands from their hold around her waist. Looking down at her his breathing slowed, just slightly, and he looked her straight in the eyes. It was strange. He had looked into her eyes so many times but only now was he really seeing her. He bent down and his right hand brushed her cheek. Slowly, he brought his lips to hers and they brushed together softly. He leaned into the kiss and managed to hold it for a few seconds before freaking out. Stepping back he turned away, his face going slightly red. Clenching his fist he managed to murmur a quick few words. “Sorry Bethy. I shouldn’t have done that.” ( w o r d s ) five hundred and sixteen ( t a g ) beth <3 ( s t a t u s ) complete ( m u s e ) terrible ( n o t e s ) too many distractions....

[beth]

Bethany knew something was about to happen. She just wasn’t sure what. Watching, she took a deep breath. Trying to keep focused on his face, and not how close he was to her. Or how her breath was involuntarily speeding up with her heartbeat. There was so much Beth didn’t understand, but the changes in her relationship was always near the top of the list. She wasn’t a girl who dealt well with change. Beth liked things she was comfortable with, she knew how to deal with that. Put her into a situation she had never been in before and hadn’t prepared for, and she will be over-whelmed by it. What was happening right then with Luca definitely fit the bill of both something she wasn’t prepared for and had never experienced before. Her mind wasn’t just swimming- it was drowning. Swallowing hard, she closed her eyes. Something told her it would be better if she didn’t see what was happening. Besides, she already felt so dizzy she thought she may either faint or throw up at any moment, so closing her eyes could really only help at that point. She needed to breath deeply too, before she cut off hair to her brain.

His next action ended any chance Beth may have had at regaining what little composure she could. All too quickly, his lips had found hers. Anyone else in her situation would have seen it coming. However it was Beth in the situation which always implied a certain naivety and innocence. So it was expected that she’d be completely confused and surprised by his kiss. The young woman froze. Too scared to even make a move. What was he doing? Did he think he was choking or something and this was some kind of strange CPR thing? Or had his mind just stopped working for a moment and he’d forgotten who she was? Did he wish it was Ruby he was kissing? Ruby was so much prettier than Beth would ever be. She’d always felt that way to be honest, and she couldn’t understand why people seemed to think he would ever like her when he’d had someone like Ruby. It just didn’t make any sense. Even though he was right there kissing her, she still refused to believe there was anything more than friendship between them. She was convinced there was some other reason behind the action.

As if confirming her thoughts, Luca pulled away. He shouldn’t have done that. He didn’t think he should have done that. For reasons she could not even begin to fathom, Bethany felt tears sting her eyes. She wasn’t sure she’d wanted the kiss, but by the same token it pulled at her heart to have it confirmed that Luca hadn’t wanted to kiss her. Bottom lip trembling, Bethany stepped away from the blonde. Her chest was tightening, and she could feel a feeling of panic gripping her chest. Stepping away yet again, the brunette turned her back on the blonde. Taking a gasping breath, she felt herself struggling for air. While there was nothing physically stopping her from taking in a normal breath, she seemed to have forgotten the exact muscles it took to breath in and out, and was only managing to gasp in, without a release. Squeezing her eyes shut tight, Bethany tried to work on her breathing. She didn’t want Luca to see this. She couldn’t seem to get it under control though. In fact, it was working up into a frantic panic attack rather quickly. Which made Beth try harder to regain control- making her breathing even more laboured.

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[luca]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,300,true] & like the stars that shined I N T H E S K Y ( the pretty lights ) It was a stupid idea. Of course it was a stupid idea. They were friends. Just friends. And now everything was screwed up. He was an idiot. If he could, he would take it back. But then again, he’d liked it. It had felt nice, that was true, but it was wrong. Beth didn’t like him. She didn’t love him. And she never would. This was Beth, the girl who couldn’t even say penis without turning the colour of a tomato. She just wouldn’t understand any of it. Luca didn’t want to hurt her; he never wanted to hurt her. And yet, here he was, and there she was. He couldn’t take it back now, ever, and it would change everything. He desperately wished to know what was going through the girl’s head; he wanted to know how she felt. The deadly silence that hung in the air cut through him. Worries were rushing through the young boy’s mind. He was taken back to a time when they were young, when they had spent every minute together. It had been perfect. They had been perfect. And now he had screwed it up. They could never go back to that time, not now, not ever. Beth stepped away. The second after, Luca was on edge. He remained silent, not quite knowing what to do. Maybe she needed time. Maybe she just needed to think for a minute. He could see the distress starting to build up. Something was wrong. “Beth?” Luca murmured softly, wanting her to turn around, to speak to him. But she didn’t. Shaking his head he took a step towards her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Bethy…” He could feel her practically shaking. He knew what was happening now, and he couldn’t bear the fact that it was his entire fault. He remembered a time back when Beth’s mother had passed away. Back then the panic attacks had been so frequent. They had stopped for a long while, but now Beth was in that state again. This time it was not because of her mother. This time it was because of Luca. Rushing around to stand in front of her Luca gripped the brunette’s shoulders. “Listen to me Bethy, it’s gonna be okay. You just need to calm down.” His voice was frantic, almost shaking. He could not stand to see Beth in such a state. It pained him. Seeing her shake, struggle for air. “Beth you need to just calm down and breath slowly,” he continued. He had helped her through these kinds of panic attacks before but now, he was starting to forget what to do. “Just breathe. Slowly. In and out. I’m here Beth, I’m here. It’s okay.” He kept whispering to her, encouraging her. He just needed her to breathe normally; he needed her to be okay. If she wasn’t then he would never forgive himself. He tried to calm her down, as best as he could, talking her through it the whole time. It would be okay. They would be okay.

[beth]

Feeling Luca’s hands on her shoulder’s, Bethany felt her muscles tighten. Her body stiffening. In other circumstances, she’d have curled into him. Her head would have nestled into his chest and she would have used his familiar scent and the steady rhythm of his heart beat comfort her, sooth her into breathing normally. She couldn’t do that this time though. Not when her feelings for Luca were jumbled into a painful lump in her chest. Why did things have to change? Bethany wanted it to stay like it was. She wanted to be able to curl into the boy like she used to and have him be the safe, warm blanket he had always been. She didn’t want to feel new sorts of tingles when she looked at him, she didn’t want to feel a tug in her stomach at the idea of him with another girl, and she didn’t want to have to work out what it all meant, and why her friends seemed to think they were in love. She just wanted to be Beth and Luca, the same way they had always been. Was that too much to ask for? Apparently it was, because things had changed now, there was no going back.

Now wasn’t the time to think about all that though, as it would only add to the panic gripping her. She needed to calm down. She needed to breath. She needed to not end up in hospital after passing out due to a lack of air in her blood stream or something. That would have been really embarrassing. Fainting after her first kiss. Though, to be honest, her friends wouldn’t be that surprised. Considering how flustered she got talking about things of that nature. She could barely watch kiss scenes in shows and movies if they were more than just a little peck. Clearing her mind of as much as she could, Bethany focused on Luca’s voice. It’s going to be okay. She nodded slightly. If he was telling her that it was going to be okay, then she was going to do her best to believe him. Luca had never lied to her before and he had no reason to start now. Repeating it like a mantra, Beth told herself that it was going to be okay, that she just needed to calm down. Slowly, the tightness in her chest eased, and the memory of how to use her lungs was coming back to the brunette.

She took a few tentative breaths to make sure everything was working as it should before opening her eyes. It hadn’t been a bad attack, compared to some of the others she had had. It had come on fast, but left with speed too. Which she was thankful for. Her hands were still a little shaky though, and now that she didn’t need to focus on her breathing, the reason for the attack consumed her. Luca had kissed her. Kissed her. She stared at him for a moment. Frozen with fear. What in the world was she supposed to do now? Run away. Biting her lip, she backed away from the boy. “I just remembered. I’m supposed.. to do... a thing.” Her eyes darted towards the back door, she’d have to pass him to get there, but she could do it. “You stay. Have cookies. I have to..” Without finishing her sentence, she darted past him and all but ran for the back door. Throwing it open and disappearing outside and around the side of the house. Running away was probably making it worse, but she couldn’t face him. She couldn’t face what had just happened, and what it meant for their friendship. She just... She couldn’t.

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